Cancelled

Unfortunately we found out that we do not have enough follicles to move forward with the IVF cycle.  We only have one follicle that is maturing and I have a large cyst that is continuing to grow.  The visit went very quickly.  There were two med students in the room while they completed the exam.  The doctor measured the follicle, looked around with the probe, and stated that there were not enough follicles to go through retrieval.  I asked what that meant and he stated that he felt we should cancel the cycle.  He said that we need to do the trigger shot tonight to force ovulation.  He suggested that we go ahead and attempt artificial insemination (IUI) on Friday because then we aren't just giving up and wasting the large amount of money we spent on injections, we are at least attempting something. I understand why he said that, but I am thinking more of the emotional and physical aspects of this situation.  I recognize that we spent a lot of money to be able to do these injections.  But, I have also been told by several people that IUI is not an option for me due to the high risk of ectopic pregnancy. I mentioned to the specialist because it is a major concern of mine.  He said, that it is still a high risk, but he can just remove it if needed.  He then stated that he just removed an ectopic pregnancy last night.  This was not what I wanted to hear.  The physical and emotional impact of that situation are a huge concern to me!  In the end we decided to go ahead and attempt the IUI even with the risks and knowing that there was basically no chance of success.  I feel like I would always wonder if it could have worked if I don't do it.
So, tonight I will have my trigger shot at 10 p.m.  I will then take the day off on Friday so that we can be in Peoria by 8:15 a.m.  My IUI procedure will be at 9:30 a.m.  I wish I had a small glimmer of hope shining through that this procedure will be successful, but I have heard so many times that it isn't an option that I just can't get excited.  Of course I would be ecstatic if it actually worked, but at this point I think I am just praying that I get through these things safely.
I asked the specialist what we do next.  He said we will meet again in October and he will revise my protocol because it did not work this time.  He then said, 'Unless the IUI happens to work."  So, we will see.  I can't believe we are once again playing the waiting game.  It makes me so frustrated!
I feel like it is another slap in the face, showing that the change in insurance really screwed up my life.  18 total follicles in June.  1 that was measurable today.  It is so difficult to keep the bitterness at bay.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this process.  I am bruised, I am sore, but I will persevere.  And, I will continue to put a smile on my face and show those kiddos love.  That is what I do! ;)