I was wrong!!!

So... I guess I was wrong...
It appears that reading the blogs of others has not been the uplifting experience I thought it would be. It actually made me so much more sad.  I read a blog written from the perspective of a husband and boy oh boy did it bring tears to my eyes to hear how devastating this process has been for him.  Then I read about a woman who just became numb to the process and just stopped caring.  She couldn't wait for the Beta test (blood test to determine levels of HCG - pregnancy test for after infertility treatment) to be over so that she could just be done with it all and move on with her life.  That was her last entry, so I can only imagine that the cycle was unsuccessful.  I started to notice a trend.  So many blogs without closure.  I am a closure type of person.  I HAVE to have closure.  It bothered me so much to read about the lives of these people and not know for certain how their journey ended.  What did they do after the failed cycle?!?!  Did they move to the beach? Learn to play the guitar?  Decide to live in an RV and travel the U.S. on a whim?!!? (All of these are things that I have considered as options for the future! HAHAH!!)  How did the story continue once the posts ended?  How did they fill the void?  I will never know the answers to any of these questions, but it sure makes me think of our future.  What will life look like for us if we are unable to have children?  Talk about a downer!!! So much for looking for something to lift my spirits as we wait for the next cycle.

Speaking of the next cycle, I am pretty certain that the next cycle is FOREVER away!!! FOREVER!!!! I feel like waiting for this cycle is excruciating!  And, we still have a LONG time left to wait.  My baseline sonogram is October 13th.  I believe that I will start medication at that time.  Then my "target" retrieval date is October 29th.  That would mean a trip to Rockford and taking the 29th and 30th off of school for the procedure and bedrest.  They said that it would allow for a Saturday, November 1st for a Day 3 transfer or November 3rd for a Day 5 transfer.  I would then be instructed as to what my restrictions are and when I can go back to school.  BUT, that is SOOO far away!! I hope Dr. G is resting and rejuvenating in Poland so that we can attack this situation as soon as he gets back!!! ;)

Hive update:  I still have them... I am taking strong medicine to try to get rid of them.  I am using a non-steroid lotion to try to get rid of them.  I am SOOOO ready to get rid of them.  The amount of my rump that they took over is ridiculous and I am ready to be hive free soon... hopefully soon!!

Funk update:  I am still in a funk.  I tried blaming the weather.  I tried blaming the overwhelming amount of stress that I am under trying to get a million things done at school.  I am going to have to accept that it is getting harder for me to put a smile on every day of this infertility journey.  YES, I a sure that the weather and the stress from school are adding to my funk, but I think the cancelled cycle at the 5 year mark has just been a little more than I can handle and I can't see to muster up my best Pollyanna impression anymore.  I am hoping that as the next cycle approaches I will perk up and gain hope again.  I recognize that no one wants to be around a negative nelly.  And I realize that life goes on regardless of how my heart feels.  So, I will continue to do my best to grin and bear it.

Life update:  My sister Jen is almost 20 weeks along.  Anna could have the baby anytime.  Meghan is due next month.  It appears that baby season is year round at this stage in my life.  I hope that God continues to bless me with joy for the new parents that surround me.  It appears that everywhere I turn stands another expectant mother.  I am pretty certain that half of the county is prego! ;)
I have pretty much given up all of my hobbies.  I have nothing homemade for the new babies because I am pretty much over everything that was once served as a distraction for me.  Hopefully inspiration will perk u soon so that these new little nephews will have warm blankets for this chilly weather!! ;)  And, my niece will need something to keep her warm in February, too!  Thankfully I was pretty close to finishing the blanket for Baby Boy Mercer when I got fed up with my distractions.  Hopefully I can finish it soon.  Then maybe I will get motivated to work on a creation for Baby Boy Schroeder!
Baby Girl Kulow might not have anything for a while!

I hope everyone is enjoying the crisp fall air!  I love this time of year, but I haven't enjoyed the cold, rainy weather.  I am looking forward to the leaves changing so that I can drive around and look at the beautiful trees!! :)