It has been a long time since I posted. A lot has happened... yet nothing has happened! Such is the world of infertility.
It has been nearly two months since our last IVF cycle was cancelled before we even got started. During that time I have done a lot of waiting and worrying. I tried not to worry, but my body was acting crazy. I had very specific dates that were given to me that would determine how we would proceed. If I started my period before December 16th we would have to wait a month before doing our Estrogen Priming Cycle. If I started my period on or after the 16th we would start right away. I was super nervous about all of this because it was new. I thought of a million things that could happen, but what was not expected was that I would not start my period... instead I spotted and stopped... spotted and stopped. It started on the 13th and I was very confused. By the 21st I knew that I had to face the inevitable. I had to take a pregnancy test before calling to ask them what to do or they would have me go in for a pregnancy test. (I have been through this before.) So, I did the home pregnancy test and waited for the moment that I have had time after time... the moment when you move beyond all reason into a state of hopefulness! Yep!! For a few moments I thought that maybe, just maybe it could be true. But, once again it was negative.
I called the office in Iowa City on Tuesday and left a message letting them know about the spotting and the fact that I didn't know what was happening. Just as I had thought, the nurse called back and said, "In your file we have down that we suggested timed intercourse while you waited"... at that point I cut her off and told her that I took a pregnancy test that was negative. She said, "Darn! Well, I am not sure what is going on then. I will have to get back with the doctors and we will call you back." So, I waited the rest of that day without hearing back from them and then got a call the next morning. The nurse said, "Your body really doesn't like to do what it is supposed to, does it?" I chucked and said, "No, no it does NOT!". She said that the doctors had decided that I should start using ovulation prediction sticks to determine if I had ovulated or not. If I did, they would start the Estrogen Priming Cycle. If I did not get a "smile" on the ovulation stick by Monday, December 28th I would have to start Provera to force a period. I HATE Provera!!! Hate it!! It was not nice to my body last time I had to take it. So, I worried!!! I also worried because the nurse told me that if they could not force a period and get an Estrogen Priming Cycle started by Jan. 15th we woud have to cancel this IVF cycle and try again in the spring. Panic set in!! How did I go from possibly waiting a month to possibly waiting a WHOLE CYCLE?!???!? Luckily, I got my "smile" on Sunday and was able to call Monday morning to report it!!! Phew!! I am sure you can imagine what a nervous wreck I was each morning that there was no smile though... ugh!!!
That whole time period between the 13th and the 27th was very stressful. It is hard to describe the emotions now because I did get the "smile", but it was definitely a nervous time. I repeatedly prayed that God would grant me peace over whatever happened and that I would be able to accept His timing. I nearly cried on that Sunday when I saw the smile!!!
Monday morning I talked to the nurse a couple times. The first call was to report the "smile" and set up my Estrogen Priming Cycle. We worked through the calendar together and mapped out my medications. At one point I asked for clarification about a date that I was given. I had a different date as my medication start date than she did. It turned out that I was correct. I am not saying this to boast. I am saying this to remind people that we have to be our own advocates!!!! Mistakes happen. We are all human. Don't stay quiet when you feel that something is wrong. Minutes matter when dealing with infertility. A day off could mean a cancelled cycle!!! Always go with your gut and trust your instincts!!!
At the end of the first conversation the nurse told me that we will have to go in for an internal ultrasound the day that I start my next period. That caused a bit of panic because of work, but I felt a little better when I found out that we can go to Davenport for it instead of going all the way to Iowa City. The call ended with me being excited and nervous for a new adventure. We have never tried an Estrogen Priming Cycle before... maybe this is just what we need!!!!
Then the phone rang again about 1 minute later. It was the nurse. She said, "I was just thinking... I don't know how you would feel about this (CUE MY NERVES EXPLODING!!!) but if you have your ultrasound in Davenport and everything looks good to proceed you will have to make a trip to Iowa City to get your meds. She said that it might be best if I went ahead and picked up the IVF meds when I picked up the estrogen priming meds. She said that she had to warn me that cancellation was still possible and that the decision was mine. I decided that I needed to put faith in this cycle and I told her to go ahead an prep the meds for both the estrogen priming and the IVF cycles! I picked them up on Wednesday in Iowa City and it was such a surreal feeling!!! Here we go again!!!! I have meds in my crisper drawer, meds in my dining room, meds in my bedroom, and meds in my kitchen!! We also have Sharps containers all over!!!
Tomorrow morning I will begin the cycle by taking estrogen in the morning and evening. I will continue that until January 17th. I will do Antagon injections on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Then we will wait for my period!!! I asked the nurse what to expect and she said that she does not have any idea how my body will respond. She also pointed out that my cycle is a little different because of my reaction to estrogen patches. I have to take estrogen pills, which is not their normal protocol. So, we will just have to wait and see!! At least I am consistant in the fact that I am extremely unique in my treatments!! ;)
In other news, I gave up on the doctor's diet a LONG time ago. I had lost 6 pounds between Sept. 13th and my initial visit. While on the 1200 calorie diet I lost a couple pounds right away and then started GAINING weight!!! YEP!! I was furious!! At one point I even went to Walgreens and bought diet pills!!! I went out to my car with them and sat down. Beat myself up for a few minutes and then walked right back in and returned them! Everything said that they could cause liver damage... why would I do that to my body?!?!?! So, I talked to several people including a different doctor and they said that my body was storing all of the food I was taking in. So, I gave up on the diet and just quit stressing about it. Just going off of the evil birth control seemed to be helping, so I decided to just make sure I was not eating out of boredom and I started eating breakfast every day. Since September 13th I have lost 21 pounds and I am doing it without starving or taking those stupid diet pills!!! My body really did not like being on the pill and I think it is celebrating the fact that I will not take it again!!!! :) Hopefully I continue to see results, but with meds starting tomorrow I am not going to be too hard on myself!
The doctor has never reweighed me anyway, so I only have myself to impress!!!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we enter into the unknown! I know that there are still risks of cancellation, but I am thrilled that we are attempting something new instead of doing more of the same!!!
Have a wonderful night!! :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Cancelled
I wish I had better news about today's appointment in Iowa City, but I don't. I wasn't even aware that cancellation was a possibility at a baseline ultrasound appointment. But, apparently my body has found a new way to be an obnoxious mess!
When we got to the University of Iowa today we were immediately taken back for our baseline ultrasound. I told the the wonderful ultrasound lady that once again I had bleeding and cramping even though I had been taking the pill every night. She said that many people have that and said not to worry, but to definitely tell the nurses when they take me to the exam room. During the ultrasound she told me that my lining had a "menstrual" look to it. She measured all kinds of things, but my eye was drawn to a couple "dark blobs" that she was measuring. I have had this done enough times to know that at this stage I should not have blobs like that. But, I also knew enough to know that if I asked what they were she wouldn't be able to tell me. When we got to the waiting room to wait for the nurse to call us back I said, "Mike, I want to know what those black blobs were." He never knows what to look for in the ultrasound images so he had no idea what I was talking about, but assured me that they would let us know.
The nurse called us back to the exam room and "cleaned up my chart" while she waited on word from the doctors. She called back to confirm with them that what they had found were two large follicles. Large follicles are not good at this point. They mean that the birth control did not shut everything down. They mean that my body was not responding the way it should have to the hormones. They meant that things were possibly going to be set back. The nurse told us that the doctor had ordered an estrodial blood test to determine if my estrogen levels were higher than they should be. She said that it was possible that I would need to remain on the birth control longer and that our cycle would be pushed back a bit. She sent us to the labratory and told us that she would call my cell phone in about an hour and fifteen minutes to let us know to come back for the results.
We went to the cafeteria, we wandered around the hospital, we realized that we had no idea what to do for that amount of time. But, we were thankful that they were looking deeper into the situation.
Right when she said she would, our lovely nurse called and said that my estrogen levels were high and asked us to meet her in waiting room 3. We got back there and waited. She came and said that she was waiting on the doctors. Mike was in the restroom when she came back and got me to go into a consultation room. She walked in with me and said, "The doctors determined that this cycle has to be cancelled." She left the room to get some more information and I stood in shock. I was not expecting that. I text Mike to tell him where I was and he joined me in the room. I explained what was happening. He asked what my levels were and I told him that I hadn't even thought to ask at the time. He told me that this could be a good thing... I just stared at him.
The nurse came back and sat down with us. She was very kind and explained that my two large follicles were creating too much estrogen to move forward. I asked about my estrogen levels and she said that mine was 209 and it had to be below 90 to proceed. YIKES!! She told me to stop taking the pill right away and to let them know when I truly start my period. She explained that the doctors would discuss my case at a team meeting and that they would mail me a letter with their next steps. She said that in the mean time we could try naturally. She saw the look on my face and said, "I know the odds don't look good, but you do have the two big follicles." I responded with saying that I just didn't understand how any of this could work if I was going off the pill and starting my cycle. She agreed that the chances were very slim, but encouraged us to try anyway. Afterall, we will not be in another IVF cycle until February or March...
I asked the nurse if we could try Lupron to suppress the follicles and prepare my body. She told me that with the small number of follicles that I have they would not want to risk suppression. It was better to start fresh in another cycle. I was so confused. We had used Lupron in a similar situation before (in Rockford). Did this mean that previously they were simply pushing us through even though my body was not ready? Did it mean that those embryos didn't really have a chance because my hormones were off? I was so upset, frustrated, confused.... Not with the University of Iowa, but because I knew what we had been through before and they were saying that those options were not options for us.
We walked out of the University of Iowa in two completely different states of mind. Mike was pumped! He is so excited that they did not move forward. He said that it showed that they were not just after our money and that they actually wanted to make sure that things were right before moving forward. He didn't think that waiting was a big deal at all. He said that it really made him feel good about our decision to go there. He was impressed that I was able to discuss all of the medications by name with the nurse... That I was asking lots of questions that made sense. He said that none of this makes sense to him, but that he can tell that I really understand it and that he saw them taking my questions seriously.
I, on the other hand, was extremely upset and frustrated. I didn't say anything at the time, but I think it was because what Mike said was right... I DO get it. I understand all of this and what is SUPPOSED to happen with my body when they give me various medications. I understand my cycle and the various things that are happening to my body throughout it. I know that I should not have two large follicles ready to ovulate on day 24 of my cycle... I ovulate on day 13 almost every cycle... if not it is a day early or a day late. AND, I was on birth control so I shouldn't have ovulated in the first place. None of my follicles should have matured. They should have just stayed dormant. None of this was making sense to me and I was not in the mood to hear anything that the rational part of my brain already knew. OF COURSE they were doing the right thing by putting a stop to this cycle, but it wasn't what I wanted and most of all it just didn't seem fair!!! How did my body find yet another way to let me down? One way that I didn't realize that this cycle could be cancelled and my body found it! (Last night before we went to bed I had told Mike that I had a nervous feeling that didn't make any sense and it was finally crystal clear. I could tell that something was wrong... the bleeding and cramping just didn't seem normal. I should have known!)
So while he was excited, I was very quiet. And poor Mike was trying. He really was. He was trying to help me to see how great it was that they were taking a step back. And I was getting more and more upset. I was quiet on the way home. I was quiet while we ate dinner. And Mike continued to try to help me see that this is all part of God's plan for us. Finally, I told him that I know that it is true, but it isn't easy for me to accept right now. I told him everything I was thinking. I told him that he is right, that I do understand the images on the ultrasounds, the language that the doctors and nurses are using, the treatment protocols, and what my body is doing. I understand it all and that is what makes it so hard. I know what I am up against. I know that my egg reserve is limited. I know that we are battling a clock. I know that it isn't going to happen over night, but that if this doesn't work in March then it will be June and then we will be looking at insurance renewal or change. And then who knows if we would be able to proceed or if we would have to wait. Then if we had to wait we would be looking at about a year from now... the doctor told us at the last appointment that he wasn't worried about 3 months, but a year or 18 months could be a different story as far as my eggs were concerned... So what would we do then?!?!? All of this is on my mind every day because I understand what the consequences of cancelled and failed cycles are!
We had a good conversation and I told him that I really do understand that what they did today was absolutely the right thing. I also told him that it just made me sad to know that we would be waiting and then continuing with trial and error until we can find something that works. I absolutely understand that this is how it has to be, but I don't have to like it!
So, I agreed that it was okay for him to be happy with the outcome. I told him that I can't help but be sad. We agreed that it was easier to deal with today then it would have been to lose embryos a month from now. He reminded me for the millionth time that this is all part of God's plan for us... he really does an amazing job of always keeping that in mind. We agreed that though the reason isn't currently clear, all of this is happening for a reason. He says that he truly believes that I am supposed to have this knowledge. He believes that I am meant to help others by learning through our experiences. And once again, I think he was right. When I started this blog it was because I felt that I was truly called to share our story. Since starting the blog I have received many messages letting me know that our story has helped other people facing similar struggles. And to be honest, when I hear those things I am thankful for our trials and our journey. So, I am giving myself permission to be mad and to pout... but I cannot remain stuck in this funk! I have to start moving forward so that we are ready in February or March!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey and for supporting us through the good, the bad, and my whiny!! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and we continue forward.
Today was definitely unexpected, but it is not the end of our journey!
When we got to the University of Iowa today we were immediately taken back for our baseline ultrasound. I told the the wonderful ultrasound lady that once again I had bleeding and cramping even though I had been taking the pill every night. She said that many people have that and said not to worry, but to definitely tell the nurses when they take me to the exam room. During the ultrasound she told me that my lining had a "menstrual" look to it. She measured all kinds of things, but my eye was drawn to a couple "dark blobs" that she was measuring. I have had this done enough times to know that at this stage I should not have blobs like that. But, I also knew enough to know that if I asked what they were she wouldn't be able to tell me. When we got to the waiting room to wait for the nurse to call us back I said, "Mike, I want to know what those black blobs were." He never knows what to look for in the ultrasound images so he had no idea what I was talking about, but assured me that they would let us know.
The nurse called us back to the exam room and "cleaned up my chart" while she waited on word from the doctors. She called back to confirm with them that what they had found were two large follicles. Large follicles are not good at this point. They mean that the birth control did not shut everything down. They mean that my body was not responding the way it should have to the hormones. They meant that things were possibly going to be set back. The nurse told us that the doctor had ordered an estrodial blood test to determine if my estrogen levels were higher than they should be. She said that it was possible that I would need to remain on the birth control longer and that our cycle would be pushed back a bit. She sent us to the labratory and told us that she would call my cell phone in about an hour and fifteen minutes to let us know to come back for the results.
We went to the cafeteria, we wandered around the hospital, we realized that we had no idea what to do for that amount of time. But, we were thankful that they were looking deeper into the situation.
Right when she said she would, our lovely nurse called and said that my estrogen levels were high and asked us to meet her in waiting room 3. We got back there and waited. She came and said that she was waiting on the doctors. Mike was in the restroom when she came back and got me to go into a consultation room. She walked in with me and said, "The doctors determined that this cycle has to be cancelled." She left the room to get some more information and I stood in shock. I was not expecting that. I text Mike to tell him where I was and he joined me in the room. I explained what was happening. He asked what my levels were and I told him that I hadn't even thought to ask at the time. He told me that this could be a good thing... I just stared at him.
The nurse came back and sat down with us. She was very kind and explained that my two large follicles were creating too much estrogen to move forward. I asked about my estrogen levels and she said that mine was 209 and it had to be below 90 to proceed. YIKES!! She told me to stop taking the pill right away and to let them know when I truly start my period. She explained that the doctors would discuss my case at a team meeting and that they would mail me a letter with their next steps. She said that in the mean time we could try naturally. She saw the look on my face and said, "I know the odds don't look good, but you do have the two big follicles." I responded with saying that I just didn't understand how any of this could work if I was going off the pill and starting my cycle. She agreed that the chances were very slim, but encouraged us to try anyway. Afterall, we will not be in another IVF cycle until February or March...
I asked the nurse if we could try Lupron to suppress the follicles and prepare my body. She told me that with the small number of follicles that I have they would not want to risk suppression. It was better to start fresh in another cycle. I was so confused. We had used Lupron in a similar situation before (in Rockford). Did this mean that previously they were simply pushing us through even though my body was not ready? Did it mean that those embryos didn't really have a chance because my hormones were off? I was so upset, frustrated, confused.... Not with the University of Iowa, but because I knew what we had been through before and they were saying that those options were not options for us.
We walked out of the University of Iowa in two completely different states of mind. Mike was pumped! He is so excited that they did not move forward. He said that it showed that they were not just after our money and that they actually wanted to make sure that things were right before moving forward. He didn't think that waiting was a big deal at all. He said that it really made him feel good about our decision to go there. He was impressed that I was able to discuss all of the medications by name with the nurse... That I was asking lots of questions that made sense. He said that none of this makes sense to him, but that he can tell that I really understand it and that he saw them taking my questions seriously.
I, on the other hand, was extremely upset and frustrated. I didn't say anything at the time, but I think it was because what Mike said was right... I DO get it. I understand all of this and what is SUPPOSED to happen with my body when they give me various medications. I understand my cycle and the various things that are happening to my body throughout it. I know that I should not have two large follicles ready to ovulate on day 24 of my cycle... I ovulate on day 13 almost every cycle... if not it is a day early or a day late. AND, I was on birth control so I shouldn't have ovulated in the first place. None of my follicles should have matured. They should have just stayed dormant. None of this was making sense to me and I was not in the mood to hear anything that the rational part of my brain already knew. OF COURSE they were doing the right thing by putting a stop to this cycle, but it wasn't what I wanted and most of all it just didn't seem fair!!! How did my body find yet another way to let me down? One way that I didn't realize that this cycle could be cancelled and my body found it! (Last night before we went to bed I had told Mike that I had a nervous feeling that didn't make any sense and it was finally crystal clear. I could tell that something was wrong... the bleeding and cramping just didn't seem normal. I should have known!)
So while he was excited, I was very quiet. And poor Mike was trying. He really was. He was trying to help me to see how great it was that they were taking a step back. And I was getting more and more upset. I was quiet on the way home. I was quiet while we ate dinner. And Mike continued to try to help me see that this is all part of God's plan for us. Finally, I told him that I know that it is true, but it isn't easy for me to accept right now. I told him everything I was thinking. I told him that he is right, that I do understand the images on the ultrasounds, the language that the doctors and nurses are using, the treatment protocols, and what my body is doing. I understand it all and that is what makes it so hard. I know what I am up against. I know that my egg reserve is limited. I know that we are battling a clock. I know that it isn't going to happen over night, but that if this doesn't work in March then it will be June and then we will be looking at insurance renewal or change. And then who knows if we would be able to proceed or if we would have to wait. Then if we had to wait we would be looking at about a year from now... the doctor told us at the last appointment that he wasn't worried about 3 months, but a year or 18 months could be a different story as far as my eggs were concerned... So what would we do then?!?!? All of this is on my mind every day because I understand what the consequences of cancelled and failed cycles are!
We had a good conversation and I told him that I really do understand that what they did today was absolutely the right thing. I also told him that it just made me sad to know that we would be waiting and then continuing with trial and error until we can find something that works. I absolutely understand that this is how it has to be, but I don't have to like it!
So, I agreed that it was okay for him to be happy with the outcome. I told him that I can't help but be sad. We agreed that it was easier to deal with today then it would have been to lose embryos a month from now. He reminded me for the millionth time that this is all part of God's plan for us... he really does an amazing job of always keeping that in mind. We agreed that though the reason isn't currently clear, all of this is happening for a reason. He says that he truly believes that I am supposed to have this knowledge. He believes that I am meant to help others by learning through our experiences. And once again, I think he was right. When I started this blog it was because I felt that I was truly called to share our story. Since starting the blog I have received many messages letting me know that our story has helped other people facing similar struggles. And to be honest, when I hear those things I am thankful for our trials and our journey. So, I am giving myself permission to be mad and to pout... but I cannot remain stuck in this funk! I have to start moving forward so that we are ready in February or March!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey and for supporting us through the good, the bad, and my whiny!! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and we continue forward.
Today was definitely unexpected, but it is not the end of our journey!
Thursday, October 22, 2015
University of Iowa
Last night we drove to Iowa City when I got home from work. We checked into a hotel and immediately realized that we had made a mistake... Well, I had made a mistake. I had selected a "pet friendly" hotel and we are both allergic to pets. Oops!!! Dogs barking and escalated allergies led to a horrible nights sleep. Then when I went to get into the shower I realized that I forgot my pants at home... Seriously!!!! How does one forget their pants. The only pants I had were comfy black yoga capris that I changed into after school... But, they did the job! We left the hotel for the hospital and had quite a difficult time in the parking garage. We got to the area to check in and the lady helping us apologized for seeming scatterbrained, but admitted that she was distracted due to mysteriously asking for the afternoon off and having no idea why she had done so. Then, we walked back to the waiting area and did not have a chance to have a seat... We were met by a medical assistant as soon as we got within the vicinity and taken to a room where she attempted to check my vitals, but the machine was acting crazy... But then, the craziness of the morning ended!
The medical assistant was fabulous. She checked with me to make sure that I was okay to try the vitals again... Which of course I was! And before long the machine was working again. She took us to consultation room 1 which turned out to be our home base for the next 5 hours. She went over tons of information with us, asked us a lot of questions, and explained what would be happening that day. She took the file I brought for them with all of my records and dropped it off for the doctors to go over and then she sent in the financial lady... Who was FABULOUS! She made jokes with Mike. She explained everything that we would/could face financially, and she was just another bright spot in the day. She left and the Med Assistant came back to take care of a few more things and then she led us to have the internal sonogram completed. Not fun, but the lady was wonderful AND they gave me a REAL sheet to cover up with, not a paper sheet!!! Bonus!! We chatted while she did her job... She is a mother of two daughters. We talked books, we talked about her kiddos, she was personable and another bright spot in the day.
At this point, the first doctor (Dr. M) came in. She immediately greeted us with a firm handshake and introduced herself. She then looked over the sonogram results and they "talked shop". What's!?!?! We actually got to witness them acknowledging the mess that is my abdomen!! The sonographer told me that in order to limit my "naked time" they would complete another procedure while I was in there. Sounded great to me and made me laugh!
The doctor finished her procedure and before long I was dressed and ready for our next step. At this point the med assistant came in again and talked through some paperwork until Dr. M came in. At that point we went through the history of Team McVey. It was a long conversation, but I was happy to hear that she had been reading up on my case with Dr. D while we were with the other people. She discussed all of our options and said that Dr. D would be in to discuss our case as well.
Cue the medical assistant... A few final things... Then Dr. D came in and gave us his recommendations. Mike should quit smoking, we should consider genetic counseling, and I should not starve myself... But should limit myself to 1,200 calories per day... At this point it was almost 2:00 and I had had nothing to eat. I could have clawed out his eyes for suggesting that I limit my calories to 1,200 per day. But, I didn't and both of us survived. I could tell that he was working very hard to speak tactfully about his belief that losing weight would benefit IVF. We discussed possibilities with him... What IVF could look like for us, fresh vs. Frozen cycle, etc... We felt confident that a fresh cycle was the way to go. He said he would send in Nurse A to go over scheduling.
Then the IVF nurse came in... She asked if we are really ready to get going. We said absolutely. She said that we would start today! Yep... TODAY! She said that because I happen to be on day 3 of my cycle today it worked out that we could start today. If I had been farther in my cycle we would have had to wait to meet gain until the end of January with an early March transfer... BUT, it worked out perfectly!!! ( See I said that the craziness had ended!! Things were turning around!) She went over the timeline and set up dates for us. She sent in prescriptions for us, and answered our questions. We each took 4 antibiotic pills today to start our cycle and I started a birth control pill. We set up our next appointment for next month and they sent us for Mike to do his part of the appointment! ;)
We walked out of the facility 5 hours after we walked in, ready to officially start an IVF cycle with a new facility!
What does that mean!?!?!? Well, honestly, they will not do a lot different than what we did last time. They gave us the antibiotic, which was different. They are limiting my calorie consumption, which is different... And sad! ;) And they are waiting to implant embryos until Day 5 after retrieval once the embryo has become a blastocyst... Which is probably the biggest difference. I will post more about this at another time because we had a lot of discussion about this with both Dr. M and Dr. D.
Overall, we were very happy with today's visit. We actually were a little alarmed that we did not feel that there was a single incompetent person that we came into contact with today... How was that possible!?!?!?! Hahaha!!
Tonight we took the first of our meds... We are officially in cycle! Hard to believe, but true. Hopefully I will be able to write another blog post this weekend that dives a little deeper into the conversations we had with the doctors and the emotions of this decision. For now we will be hopeful that this is the beginning of something amazing!!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers!! Though this has been a long road, in so many ways, this is just the beginning! We can't thank you enough for all of your encouragement!
P.S. We are hoping that after retrieval we will be able to move our frozen embryo baby, that is currently in Rockford, to Iowa City to live with its frozen siblings! The doctor thought that it would be possible and we really don't want to leave him up there any longer than we need to... We don't know the sex of that embryo, but we have both called it a him all along, so it has to be true!;)
The medical assistant was fabulous. She checked with me to make sure that I was okay to try the vitals again... Which of course I was! And before long the machine was working again. She took us to consultation room 1 which turned out to be our home base for the next 5 hours. She went over tons of information with us, asked us a lot of questions, and explained what would be happening that day. She took the file I brought for them with all of my records and dropped it off for the doctors to go over and then she sent in the financial lady... Who was FABULOUS! She made jokes with Mike. She explained everything that we would/could face financially, and she was just another bright spot in the day. She left and the Med Assistant came back to take care of a few more things and then she led us to have the internal sonogram completed. Not fun, but the lady was wonderful AND they gave me a REAL sheet to cover up with, not a paper sheet!!! Bonus!! We chatted while she did her job... She is a mother of two daughters. We talked books, we talked about her kiddos, she was personable and another bright spot in the day.
At this point, the first doctor (Dr. M) came in. She immediately greeted us with a firm handshake and introduced herself. She then looked over the sonogram results and they "talked shop". What's!?!?! We actually got to witness them acknowledging the mess that is my abdomen!! The sonographer told me that in order to limit my "naked time" they would complete another procedure while I was in there. Sounded great to me and made me laugh!
The doctor finished her procedure and before long I was dressed and ready for our next step. At this point the med assistant came in again and talked through some paperwork until Dr. M came in. At that point we went through the history of Team McVey. It was a long conversation, but I was happy to hear that she had been reading up on my case with Dr. D while we were with the other people. She discussed all of our options and said that Dr. D would be in to discuss our case as well.
Cue the medical assistant... A few final things... Then Dr. D came in and gave us his recommendations. Mike should quit smoking, we should consider genetic counseling, and I should not starve myself... But should limit myself to 1,200 calories per day... At this point it was almost 2:00 and I had had nothing to eat. I could have clawed out his eyes for suggesting that I limit my calories to 1,200 per day. But, I didn't and both of us survived. I could tell that he was working very hard to speak tactfully about his belief that losing weight would benefit IVF. We discussed possibilities with him... What IVF could look like for us, fresh vs. Frozen cycle, etc... We felt confident that a fresh cycle was the way to go. He said he would send in Nurse A to go over scheduling.
Then the IVF nurse came in... She asked if we are really ready to get going. We said absolutely. She said that we would start today! Yep... TODAY! She said that because I happen to be on day 3 of my cycle today it worked out that we could start today. If I had been farther in my cycle we would have had to wait to meet gain until the end of January with an early March transfer... BUT, it worked out perfectly!!! ( See I said that the craziness had ended!! Things were turning around!) She went over the timeline and set up dates for us. She sent in prescriptions for us, and answered our questions. We each took 4 antibiotic pills today to start our cycle and I started a birth control pill. We set up our next appointment for next month and they sent us for Mike to do his part of the appointment! ;)
We walked out of the facility 5 hours after we walked in, ready to officially start an IVF cycle with a new facility!
What does that mean!?!?!? Well, honestly, they will not do a lot different than what we did last time. They gave us the antibiotic, which was different. They are limiting my calorie consumption, which is different... And sad! ;) And they are waiting to implant embryos until Day 5 after retrieval once the embryo has become a blastocyst... Which is probably the biggest difference. I will post more about this at another time because we had a lot of discussion about this with both Dr. M and Dr. D.
Overall, we were very happy with today's visit. We actually were a little alarmed that we did not feel that there was a single incompetent person that we came into contact with today... How was that possible!?!?!?! Hahaha!!
Tonight we took the first of our meds... We are officially in cycle! Hard to believe, but true. Hopefully I will be able to write another blog post this weekend that dives a little deeper into the conversations we had with the doctors and the emotions of this decision. For now we will be hopeful that this is the beginning of something amazing!!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers!! Though this has been a long road, in so many ways, this is just the beginning! We can't thank you enough for all of your encouragement!
P.S. We are hoping that after retrieval we will be able to move our frozen embryo baby, that is currently in Rockford, to Iowa City to live with its frozen siblings! The doctor thought that it would be possible and we really don't want to leave him up there any longer than we need to... We don't know the sex of that embryo, but we have both called it a him all along, so it has to be true!;)
Sunday, September 27, 2015
What a week...
What a week!! A lot of stressful things occurred, but luckily everything is okay!
Last Sunday night I was lounging on our couch and felt a little bit of discomfort in my left breast. When I felt it to see what was going on I felt a large lump... the size of a bouncy ball. I immediately freaked out because on August 18th I had felt that same thing and I thought that it was a fluke because I hadn't been able to find it again. The fact that it was a month later and I could feel it made me realize that it hadn't gone away... I realized that every time I checked for it I was standing and both times that I felt it I had been lounging on the couch. So, I spent the night freaking out and didn't get much sleep. I called my gynocologists office first thing in the morning. They asked me to come in that afternoon for an appointment. They confirmed that I had a lump, told me that they hoped it was a cyst, and they scheduled a mammogram for Wednesday at the Komen Center in Peoria. They were SO wonderful!! They were SO supportive!! They told me that I had done the right thing by calling right away! I felt nervous when I left, but they assured me that they would do everything necessary to assure that I was okay.
To say I was nervous is an understatement! I couldn't believe that I had a bouncy ball sized lump and had only noticed it once before. When I got to the Komen Center I was greeted by kind ladies. There were so many people there of all different ages. They gave me a little pager type thing and some paperwork to complete. Then I waited. When my buzzer went off I was greeted by a kind lady who I found out had been in the field for 30 years. I can't even imagine how many mammograms she has completed in 30 years!!! She gave me a pink robe and pointed out the changing room and lockers for my things. She then told me to take a seat in the interior waiting room until she came to get me. Once she came to get me we went into the room with the machine that would complete my mammogram. I was FREAKING out because so many people have told me that they are horrible. A friend had told me that it wasn't horrible, only a little uncomfortable, but I couldn't help but recall the years and years of horrible things I had heard about them... Then we started the process and I realized that it wasn't bad at all. Yes, it was a little awkward to have my boob on a surface with a plastic piece putting pressure down onto it... but, this lady sees this every day and the pressure was less than when I am elbowed in the chest... which happens more frequently than one would think. It is truly AMAZING that a little bit of awkwardness and a little bit of pressure is all that is necessary to detect cancer and save a life!!!! After standing in a couple different positions so that they could get a full view it was over!
At this point I was sent back to the interior waiting room. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect... I should have asked the technician more questions!! There were a few other ladies in the waiting room, one was exceptionally nervous. She had developed a nervous cough. I started to worry about her and stopped worrying about myself. I got up and got her a mint out of my locker. I talked with her a bit and passed time until a new person came to get me... I have to admit that I was a little nervous when I realized that I had been passed to a new person. The lady was very nice and showed me a picture of the scans. She showed me that there was tissue blocking the area where the lump was. She told me that the radiologist would be coming in to do a sonogram. I began to get very nervous. The radiologist came in and questioned me about when I had noticed the lump. She said that it is very sizable and that it is strange that I didn't notice it earlier. She said that they had also found another small spot on the scans. At this point I REALLY freaked out because of the second spot!!!! She completed the sonogram over the large lump and was very pleased to tell me that it was only a large cyst that measured 2.5 cm x 2.5 cm. She said that it is very deep into the tissue, which is probably why it was hard for me to locate while standing up. She then checked my smaller spot and was able to confirm that it was also a cyst! She said that it was the best outcome that I could have gotten. She said that the first cyst is sizable enough that I might want to get it drained at some point, but otherwise I would not need to do anything. They gave me a diagnosis sheet that stated that everything was "normal"!! I then made calls, sent texts, and went to Cold Stone Creamery!!!! :)
The week ended with parent/teacher conferences... which are always nerve wrecking because talking to adults can be hard!!! Not that working with kiddos isn't hard, but adults are harder for me!
Add in a wide variety of other craziness and super stressful stuff that was going on in our lives and the week added up to be pretty craptastic! Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that the results were fantastic!! It is just that I had so many "plans" for how the week would go and they didn't go ANYTHING like I had planned!!! One would think that by now I would just stop trying to plan!!!!
I must say that one blessing that came from all of this is that I feel better knowing that things are looking good and that we are now even more prepared for Iowa City because I have had a good left side mammogram. IVF treatments can cause all kinds of crazy stuff, so I am thankful that things turned out the way they did!!
It seems as though October 22nd is a million years away! But, I know that it will be here before we know it. University of Iowa here we come!
Final thought for the weekend... DO NOT put off a mammogram!!! They save lives and they are mearly a little awkward and slightly uncomfortable!!!! TOTALLY worth the peace of mind!!!!!!
Last Sunday night I was lounging on our couch and felt a little bit of discomfort in my left breast. When I felt it to see what was going on I felt a large lump... the size of a bouncy ball. I immediately freaked out because on August 18th I had felt that same thing and I thought that it was a fluke because I hadn't been able to find it again. The fact that it was a month later and I could feel it made me realize that it hadn't gone away... I realized that every time I checked for it I was standing and both times that I felt it I had been lounging on the couch. So, I spent the night freaking out and didn't get much sleep. I called my gynocologists office first thing in the morning. They asked me to come in that afternoon for an appointment. They confirmed that I had a lump, told me that they hoped it was a cyst, and they scheduled a mammogram for Wednesday at the Komen Center in Peoria. They were SO wonderful!! They were SO supportive!! They told me that I had done the right thing by calling right away! I felt nervous when I left, but they assured me that they would do everything necessary to assure that I was okay.
To say I was nervous is an understatement! I couldn't believe that I had a bouncy ball sized lump and had only noticed it once before. When I got to the Komen Center I was greeted by kind ladies. There were so many people there of all different ages. They gave me a little pager type thing and some paperwork to complete. Then I waited. When my buzzer went off I was greeted by a kind lady who I found out had been in the field for 30 years. I can't even imagine how many mammograms she has completed in 30 years!!! She gave me a pink robe and pointed out the changing room and lockers for my things. She then told me to take a seat in the interior waiting room until she came to get me. Once she came to get me we went into the room with the machine that would complete my mammogram. I was FREAKING out because so many people have told me that they are horrible. A friend had told me that it wasn't horrible, only a little uncomfortable, but I couldn't help but recall the years and years of horrible things I had heard about them... Then we started the process and I realized that it wasn't bad at all. Yes, it was a little awkward to have my boob on a surface with a plastic piece putting pressure down onto it... but, this lady sees this every day and the pressure was less than when I am elbowed in the chest... which happens more frequently than one would think. It is truly AMAZING that a little bit of awkwardness and a little bit of pressure is all that is necessary to detect cancer and save a life!!!! After standing in a couple different positions so that they could get a full view it was over!
At this point I was sent back to the interior waiting room. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect... I should have asked the technician more questions!! There were a few other ladies in the waiting room, one was exceptionally nervous. She had developed a nervous cough. I started to worry about her and stopped worrying about myself. I got up and got her a mint out of my locker. I talked with her a bit and passed time until a new person came to get me... I have to admit that I was a little nervous when I realized that I had been passed to a new person. The lady was very nice and showed me a picture of the scans. She showed me that there was tissue blocking the area where the lump was. She told me that the radiologist would be coming in to do a sonogram. I began to get very nervous. The radiologist came in and questioned me about when I had noticed the lump. She said that it is very sizable and that it is strange that I didn't notice it earlier. She said that they had also found another small spot on the scans. At this point I REALLY freaked out because of the second spot!!!! She completed the sonogram over the large lump and was very pleased to tell me that it was only a large cyst that measured 2.5 cm x 2.5 cm. She said that it is very deep into the tissue, which is probably why it was hard for me to locate while standing up. She then checked my smaller spot and was able to confirm that it was also a cyst! She said that it was the best outcome that I could have gotten. She said that the first cyst is sizable enough that I might want to get it drained at some point, but otherwise I would not need to do anything. They gave me a diagnosis sheet that stated that everything was "normal"!! I then made calls, sent texts, and went to Cold Stone Creamery!!!! :)
The week ended with parent/teacher conferences... which are always nerve wrecking because talking to adults can be hard!!! Not that working with kiddos isn't hard, but adults are harder for me!
Add in a wide variety of other craziness and super stressful stuff that was going on in our lives and the week added up to be pretty craptastic! Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that the results were fantastic!! It is just that I had so many "plans" for how the week would go and they didn't go ANYTHING like I had planned!!! One would think that by now I would just stop trying to plan!!!!
I must say that one blessing that came from all of this is that I feel better knowing that things are looking good and that we are now even more prepared for Iowa City because I have had a good left side mammogram. IVF treatments can cause all kinds of crazy stuff, so I am thankful that things turned out the way they did!!
It seems as though October 22nd is a million years away! But, I know that it will be here before we know it. University of Iowa here we come!
Final thought for the weekend... DO NOT put off a mammogram!!! They save lives and they are mearly a little awkward and slightly uncomfortable!!!! TOTALLY worth the peace of mind!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Iowa City
Today an "Unknown" caller came across my phone and I wondered whether I should answer. Since it was my planning period I decided that I might as well take the chance... thank goodness!!! It turns out that the call was from the University of Iowa IVF Institute!! I am so excited!! We have an appointment set up for October 22nd. I know that that seems far away, but at this point we are used to waiting!!
Some new things are going on in our lives:
1. We have decided to change our diets. This is mostly changing Mike's diet/eating habits, but it is a change for me in the fact that we are doing more planning instead of blind purchasing when it comes to food! We are only on day 3 of this, but so far, so good!!
2. We are walking every day! When we get home from work we are walking for at least 30 minutes. I am also getting up in the morning and walking and running. This is a change for both of us. I used to walk a lot, and when we lived in Macomb we rode our bikes 8 - 10 miles a night. But, we have only used our bikes a few times since we moved over 4 years ago. And I haven't walked nearly as much since we started IVF treatments a year ago. We completed day 4 of this today and we hope to continue!!
3. I bought a Fitbit Charge HR. Many of you probably know that I am an extremely competitive person. SOOO... this has been great! I HAVE to reach the daily goals or it would make me crazy. SO, it forces me to keep moving all the time. And it is good because it gives Mike and I a report about our nightly walks! It is also charting my sleep and I see that once I get passed the initial hour of restlessness and awake time (yes... it shows that I am a mess for at least an hour when I go to bed) I am actually sleeping really well!! Except for the day that I woke up a gazillion times during the first hour and then again 3 hours later. :/
4. The school routine is going well. I am feeling good about staying in the same position and room as last year. I feel like things are going very well!! :)
5. I have read a lot about people with adenomyosis and I am getting excited about the changes that might occur once they start me on the lupron (If that is what Iowa City decides to do!)!!! I hate that my uterus is so large that it gives me the "pregnant look", but there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it without medical intervention. I just keep replaying the doctors reaction to my "huge" uterus! Now that I am a month out from that visit I can laugh about it and recognize how funny it is that my body has once again shocked a doctor! ;)
I have to admit that I am very anxious to get started with treatment, I am looking forward to hearing the opinions of the team at University of Iowa, and I am hopeful that they will be ready to hit the ground running! Honestly though, October 22nd will be here before we know it!!
6. We are still LOVING the new couch and coffee table!!! It was totally worth the wait!!! :)
7. My little sister turned 30, which she didn't mind at all because she LOVES her birthday... but it made me feel super old!! HAHAHH!
8. I made meatload tonight that was loosely based off of a recipe that I found on pintrest... Mike said it was the best meatloaf imaginable! He said he would have paid $20 for it at a restuarant! He said a million different fabulous things about it! The funny thing is that I prefer my old recipe to this one, but it made him so happy that this will be the new recipe from here on out!! :) Maybe I will try some other new recipes sometime soon!
Thanks for reading my ramblings! This is what life is like at the Team McVey Headquarters! ;) We are trying to change into "adults" through eating better and living better! Hopefully this is not just a phase! ;)
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers as we wait to find out what they would like to do with our case in Iowa City! Prayers that God will guide the IVF team and that he will lead them to the protocol that will answer our prayers! Prayers that I will keep faith in God's timing! Mike is SOO good at keeping this in mind. I am the one who struggles with this. I hate to admit it, but I can be quite impatient!! I am currently doing pretty well... most of the time. I worried that my morning walks/runs would be a time that I just focused on this, but it honestly hasn't been at all!
Have a wonderful week! I am going to go to bed so that I can get my hour of restlessness out of the way! ;)
Some new things are going on in our lives:
1. We have decided to change our diets. This is mostly changing Mike's diet/eating habits, but it is a change for me in the fact that we are doing more planning instead of blind purchasing when it comes to food! We are only on day 3 of this, but so far, so good!!
2. We are walking every day! When we get home from work we are walking for at least 30 minutes. I am also getting up in the morning and walking and running. This is a change for both of us. I used to walk a lot, and when we lived in Macomb we rode our bikes 8 - 10 miles a night. But, we have only used our bikes a few times since we moved over 4 years ago. And I haven't walked nearly as much since we started IVF treatments a year ago. We completed day 4 of this today and we hope to continue!!
3. I bought a Fitbit Charge HR. Many of you probably know that I am an extremely competitive person. SOOO... this has been great! I HAVE to reach the daily goals or it would make me crazy. SO, it forces me to keep moving all the time. And it is good because it gives Mike and I a report about our nightly walks! It is also charting my sleep and I see that once I get passed the initial hour of restlessness and awake time (yes... it shows that I am a mess for at least an hour when I go to bed) I am actually sleeping really well!! Except for the day that I woke up a gazillion times during the first hour and then again 3 hours later. :/
4. The school routine is going well. I am feeling good about staying in the same position and room as last year. I feel like things are going very well!! :)
5. I have read a lot about people with adenomyosis and I am getting excited about the changes that might occur once they start me on the lupron (If that is what Iowa City decides to do!)!!! I hate that my uterus is so large that it gives me the "pregnant look", but there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it without medical intervention. I just keep replaying the doctors reaction to my "huge" uterus! Now that I am a month out from that visit I can laugh about it and recognize how funny it is that my body has once again shocked a doctor! ;)
I have to admit that I am very anxious to get started with treatment, I am looking forward to hearing the opinions of the team at University of Iowa, and I am hopeful that they will be ready to hit the ground running! Honestly though, October 22nd will be here before we know it!!
6. We are still LOVING the new couch and coffee table!!! It was totally worth the wait!!! :)
7. My little sister turned 30, which she didn't mind at all because she LOVES her birthday... but it made me feel super old!! HAHAHH!
8. I made meatload tonight that was loosely based off of a recipe that I found on pintrest... Mike said it was the best meatloaf imaginable! He said he would have paid $20 for it at a restuarant! He said a million different fabulous things about it! The funny thing is that I prefer my old recipe to this one, but it made him so happy that this will be the new recipe from here on out!! :) Maybe I will try some other new recipes sometime soon!
Thanks for reading my ramblings! This is what life is like at the Team McVey Headquarters! ;) We are trying to change into "adults" through eating better and living better! Hopefully this is not just a phase! ;)
Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers as we wait to find out what they would like to do with our case in Iowa City! Prayers that God will guide the IVF team and that he will lead them to the protocol that will answer our prayers! Prayers that I will keep faith in God's timing! Mike is SOO good at keeping this in mind. I am the one who struggles with this. I hate to admit it, but I can be quite impatient!! I am currently doing pretty well... most of the time. I worried that my morning walks/runs would be a time that I just focused on this, but it honestly hasn't been at all!
Have a wonderful week! I am going to go to bed so that I can get my hour of restlessness out of the way! ;)
Sunday, September 6, 2015
MRI Results
Wednesday afternoon I called the Oakbrook office because I had not heard from them regarding my August 24th MRI. "The Bomb.com" answered (see previous post about this facility!!) and said that she would have to have a nurse call me back. So, I went about my day and got a call back in the late afternoon/early evening. Nurse S (the nurse that I am convinced changes her name on different days of the week because Nurse H and Nurse H2 sound just like her!!) confirmed that I had called about my MRI and said, "We were ruling out Adenomyosis." I said, "Okay." She said, "You have Adenomyosis." So... I guess she meant that the MRI was to rule out Adenomyosis, not that they had ruled out Adenomysosis!!! I went from pleasantly surprised to bummed very quickly. She then said that the MRI showed that I have endometriosis again, two endometriomas (the endometriosis filled cysts that are only removed through surgery), and endometriosis in my colorectal area. Though I was fairly certain that the endometriosis had returned, I was very surprised that they were able to see it in the MRI. They had told me previously that they would have to do a laparoscopy to diagnose endometriosis, but unfortunaely it has already returned severely enough that they could see it on the MRI. At that point I asked Nurse S what the plan was. She said, I don't know, what did Dr. R tell you? I said that I had not spoken to him since he told me to have the MRI. She said, "Well, then you need to schedule a consult with him, but he will be out of town for two weeks starting Friday." That was the end of our conversation. I said that I would call and set up an appointment for when he got back, but in the back of my mind I was thinking "Shoot, I don't want to have to drive up to Oakbrook for a consult AGAIN!!!!" I called Mike and told him what they said. He said that same thing that I was thinking... that he didn't feel that we should have to drive up there for him to give us a plan. He said that he feels that it is something that could be handled by phone or even email! HAHAH! And, he is not wrong. Dr. R had said that if diagnosed with Adenomyosis we would have to put me into menopause in order to attempt to shrink my uterus. So, I feel that they should be able to call in those injections and let me get started! Geesh! I am not getting any younger!!!! ;)
Mike and I also talked about getting a second opinion about protocol from Iowa City. I had hoped to have Dr. R's plan BEFORE checking with the University of Iowa, but since he is out of town I don't think we should waste time. I called Iowa City on Thursday to see if they had anyone who specialized in Adenomyosis/Endometriosis and the woman who had answered my call said that she really couldn't give me any information until we sent in our information. At that point, a nurse would call us and discuss our case/set up an appointment. She said that when the nurse calls I can tell her that I had an MRI completed at their hospital and that that nurse can then put it in my file to look up the results in their system. I must admit that it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but was not surprising either! Though I want facilities to be able to immediately answer my questions regarding their specialization, it just isn't the reality of how all of this works. So, since I had already filled out the paperwork in April I just needed Mike's signature to be able to send it off. Now we just wait and see what happens! Hopefully SOMEONE in their practice has knowledge about these conditions and give us their opinion!!
This weekend marks 6 full years that we have tried to grow our family. We are entering our 7th year of infertility and it seems as though we are no closer to holding a healthy child in our arms than we ever were. Looking back on this journey it is hard to believe that though significant events have occurred... surgeries, IUI, IVF, numerous opinions from doctors, countless medications... very little has actually changed.
For years I have prayed that God would help me to know when our time was up. That he would help me to know if children were not in his plan for us. That he would help me to be at peace with His plan for our lives. I have prayed to be happy. I have prayed for our family to grow. I have prayed that our marriage will be strengthened, not strained by all of this. I have prayed SO many things. BUT, I have NOT prayed for patience while we wait, because I don't want him to continue to put me in situations that will require me to be patient!!! ;) HAHAH! Moving forward and pushing for answers is what is keeping me sane! (Barely!!) People make comments about the way that I handle every diagnosis, every disappointment, every negative outcome... but the truth is that if I let myself wallow I won't make it! I honestly don't think I would be able to pull myself out of the pit! When I catch myself falling back into the what if game I realize that it will eat me alive!!! YES, I truly believe that if we would have been able to continue with my original Reproductive Endocriniologist who had diagnosed me with Adenomyosis over a year and a half ago we would be in a completely different place. BUT, that obviously wasn't meant to be our story! For some reason I am supposed to have a HUGE uterus and a hot mess of a pelvis!! ;) Who knows... maybe one of these med students at University of Iowa is going to have the medical breakthrough of our lifetime while studying my case!! Maybe our child is meant to be born at a certain time so that he/she can be the first president to have ever been frozen!! (I am only guessing that none of the presidents were once frozen embryos!) Maybe we will never know why!!!
For now, while we wait, we will continue to come up with crazy ideas... this week we were looking at RV's online after watching a marathon about RV living! HAHHA!! We spent hours looking at the options! In the past we have had other crazy ideas about where life is leading us. I am convinced that life is taking me to a beach... whether it is the beach at Lake Warren or the beach along one of the coasts... I am meant to be on the water!! I can just feel it!!! ;) And I am pretty certain that I am supposed to pass that love of the water on to future generations!! Whether I pass that love on as Aunt Julie/Juju or on to my own children. Mike on the other hand is not a water lover, so maybe he can just watch football in the RV!! ;)
Thank you for your continued support! Who knew that the saga would continue this long and that so many people would open their hearts up to us! Please know that we appreciate your thoughts and prayers! As we move forward, we will continue to need your prayers that our records make it to the hands of the person who can help us to make this happen!
Have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!!!
P.S. I am SOOOO excited for Cider Slushies, Haystack Onion Rings, and FUNNEL CAKE this week at the Prime Beef Festival!!!!! The simple joys in life!!! Now, I just have to remember to pace myself and space out the treats throughout the week so that I don't get a tummy ache!!! :)
Mike and I also talked about getting a second opinion about protocol from Iowa City. I had hoped to have Dr. R's plan BEFORE checking with the University of Iowa, but since he is out of town I don't think we should waste time. I called Iowa City on Thursday to see if they had anyone who specialized in Adenomyosis/Endometriosis and the woman who had answered my call said that she really couldn't give me any information until we sent in our information. At that point, a nurse would call us and discuss our case/set up an appointment. She said that when the nurse calls I can tell her that I had an MRI completed at their hospital and that that nurse can then put it in my file to look up the results in their system. I must admit that it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but was not surprising either! Though I want facilities to be able to immediately answer my questions regarding their specialization, it just isn't the reality of how all of this works. So, since I had already filled out the paperwork in April I just needed Mike's signature to be able to send it off. Now we just wait and see what happens! Hopefully SOMEONE in their practice has knowledge about these conditions and give us their opinion!!
This weekend marks 6 full years that we have tried to grow our family. We are entering our 7th year of infertility and it seems as though we are no closer to holding a healthy child in our arms than we ever were. Looking back on this journey it is hard to believe that though significant events have occurred... surgeries, IUI, IVF, numerous opinions from doctors, countless medications... very little has actually changed.
For years I have prayed that God would help me to know when our time was up. That he would help me to know if children were not in his plan for us. That he would help me to be at peace with His plan for our lives. I have prayed to be happy. I have prayed for our family to grow. I have prayed that our marriage will be strengthened, not strained by all of this. I have prayed SO many things. BUT, I have NOT prayed for patience while we wait, because I don't want him to continue to put me in situations that will require me to be patient!!! ;) HAHAH! Moving forward and pushing for answers is what is keeping me sane! (Barely!!) People make comments about the way that I handle every diagnosis, every disappointment, every negative outcome... but the truth is that if I let myself wallow I won't make it! I honestly don't think I would be able to pull myself out of the pit! When I catch myself falling back into the what if game I realize that it will eat me alive!!! YES, I truly believe that if we would have been able to continue with my original Reproductive Endocriniologist who had diagnosed me with Adenomyosis over a year and a half ago we would be in a completely different place. BUT, that obviously wasn't meant to be our story! For some reason I am supposed to have a HUGE uterus and a hot mess of a pelvis!! ;) Who knows... maybe one of these med students at University of Iowa is going to have the medical breakthrough of our lifetime while studying my case!! Maybe our child is meant to be born at a certain time so that he/she can be the first president to have ever been frozen!! (I am only guessing that none of the presidents were once frozen embryos!) Maybe we will never know why!!!
For now, while we wait, we will continue to come up with crazy ideas... this week we were looking at RV's online after watching a marathon about RV living! HAHHA!! We spent hours looking at the options! In the past we have had other crazy ideas about where life is leading us. I am convinced that life is taking me to a beach... whether it is the beach at Lake Warren or the beach along one of the coasts... I am meant to be on the water!! I can just feel it!!! ;) And I am pretty certain that I am supposed to pass that love of the water on to future generations!! Whether I pass that love on as Aunt Julie/Juju or on to my own children. Mike on the other hand is not a water lover, so maybe he can just watch football in the RV!! ;)
Thank you for your continued support! Who knew that the saga would continue this long and that so many people would open their hearts up to us! Please know that we appreciate your thoughts and prayers! As we move forward, we will continue to need your prayers that our records make it to the hands of the person who can help us to make this happen!
Have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!!!
P.S. I am SOOOO excited for Cider Slushies, Haystack Onion Rings, and FUNNEL CAKE this week at the Prime Beef Festival!!!!! The simple joys in life!!! Now, I just have to remember to pace myself and space out the treats throughout the week so that I don't get a tummy ache!!! :)
Sunday, August 23, 2015
MRI
Tomorrow evening we will be in Iowa City so that I can have an abdominal MRI. Though I am ready for it and hopeful that it will give us answers, I am also extremely nervous. Setting the MRI up was a nightmare that I will probably write a blog about soon... Now that it is here, I am anxious. The idea of trying to be still for over an hour seems impossible! The thought of another IV makes me nautious because of the trouble that nurses have had in the past. But, the most frightening thing is that after this we will know for certain if what the doctor saw was adenomyosis and we will also have an idea of how severe it is.
Today I have had many thoughts pass through my mind...
1. I have thought about that fact that the adenomyosis could be so bad that they determine that we cannot transfer the embryo that we have. What then?
2. I have thought about the plan that I was told... completing a fresh cycle, but freezing all embryos. Then putting me into menopause and hoping that it helps to shrink the adenomyosis and, therefore, my uterus. But, what happens if we have the embryos and then my uterus doesn't shrink... what then?
3. I wondered whether we would attempt to come up with the money to use a gestational carrier. But I just don't know if that is even something that is feasible.
4. I thought of the horrible things that could go wrong for that carrier and how horrible I would feel... and determined that I would never be able to move beyond that.
5. I thought that all of this thinking is just making me crazy!!! HAHAH!! Yep... I actually thought that and said that to Mike while we were eating dinner tonight!
The truth is that we really don't know what will come from this... And it is easy for people to say that I need to stay calm... But another thought that I had is that each time we go to a doctor they seem to find something else that is wrong with me! They really do. There is never anything that is exciting. There is never anything that is sunshine and rainbows and it is HARD to be strong through it all. As I walked out the door this morning I thought to myself, "I am so sick of having to be strong." That thought stopped me in my tracks. I didn't see it coming. What led to that thought?!?! I simply walked by the letter from Iowa City.
Tomorrow will be the first day for kiddos in the 2015-2016 school year. It is a new beginning! I have watched so many people post pictures of their kiddos on their first day of school. It is crazy to think that if we had gotten pregnant when we had initially intended to we would have a kindergartener this year!! Seriously!! That really brings this journey into perspective!!! The end of this month will mark 6 years of trying to grow our family. And hopefully the end of this month will also be a time in which we are creating a new plan for growing our family. A new plan that takes into account all of the issues that we are facing.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! I am sure I will need them tomorrow!!! :)
Today I have had many thoughts pass through my mind...
1. I have thought about that fact that the adenomyosis could be so bad that they determine that we cannot transfer the embryo that we have. What then?
2. I have thought about the plan that I was told... completing a fresh cycle, but freezing all embryos. Then putting me into menopause and hoping that it helps to shrink the adenomyosis and, therefore, my uterus. But, what happens if we have the embryos and then my uterus doesn't shrink... what then?
3. I wondered whether we would attempt to come up with the money to use a gestational carrier. But I just don't know if that is even something that is feasible.
4. I thought of the horrible things that could go wrong for that carrier and how horrible I would feel... and determined that I would never be able to move beyond that.
5. I thought that all of this thinking is just making me crazy!!! HAHAH!! Yep... I actually thought that and said that to Mike while we were eating dinner tonight!
The truth is that we really don't know what will come from this... And it is easy for people to say that I need to stay calm... But another thought that I had is that each time we go to a doctor they seem to find something else that is wrong with me! They really do. There is never anything that is exciting. There is never anything that is sunshine and rainbows and it is HARD to be strong through it all. As I walked out the door this morning I thought to myself, "I am so sick of having to be strong." That thought stopped me in my tracks. I didn't see it coming. What led to that thought?!?! I simply walked by the letter from Iowa City.
Tomorrow will be the first day for kiddos in the 2015-2016 school year. It is a new beginning! I have watched so many people post pictures of their kiddos on their first day of school. It is crazy to think that if we had gotten pregnant when we had initially intended to we would have a kindergartener this year!! Seriously!! That really brings this journey into perspective!!! The end of this month will mark 6 years of trying to grow our family. And hopefully the end of this month will also be a time in which we are creating a new plan for growing our family. A new plan that takes into account all of the issues that we are facing.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! I am sure I will need them tomorrow!!! :)
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