Just some thoughts...

My body has been going absolutely crazy again! SHOCKER!!! On Monday morning I woke up and had started bleeding again.  I finally called the doctor's office on Thursday and asked them what I should do.  They said that they don't feel that my body is absorbing the hormones of the BCP correcly and that I should stop taking the pill that night and start the Nuvaring next Thursday.  I told them I would rather just stop the pill.  I have no idea why this keeps happening.  My body will do fine with a medication for a while and then it just stops responding to it/ absorbing it.  It is so frustrating.  So for now I am just going to give my body a break.  I have felt terrible and crampy this weekend, but I am hoping that I will feel better in a few days.  I have started the Plexus Triplex and we will see if that has any positive effect on my situation.

It is funny because I really did intend to start off July with a fresh new start, leaving behind the June Gloom that I wrote about early in the week, but I have felt CRAPTASTIC so far!! This weekend I have had a lot of time to think while I have been feeling crummy.  I decided that I really need to determine what makes me happy.  I realized that my hobbies are things that I thought I would do as a mom.  I thought that I would crochet cute blankets, hats, scarves,  animals, etc. for my kiddos.  I started sewing so that I could make all kinds of adorable things for my kiddos.  I bought a ton of supplies to hand embroider items such as stockings, blankets, etc.  I purchased a lot of acrylic paint and canvases that I thought would be a fabulous way to decorate the nursery (The room that I sometimes call the craft room, not because I do crafts in there, but because I have thrown most of the supplies for these hobbies into the room.  In reality it houses a rocking chair, side table, changing table, and dressers... all it needs is a crib.  It is the room in the house that I have to keep the door closed to because it would otherwise make me feel sad and pathetic.).  I LOVED reading, but I haven't read much because I just haven't been in a mindset to let myself be overtaken by a book... Instead I get distracted by my thoughts and end up reading pages multiple times before just giving up.  Infertily has truly been all encompassing and has taken over my life.  I try and try to tell myself that I need to give myself a break and stop thinking about it, but it is absolutely impossible.  

I think the answer is to come up with new hobbies.  Things that will distract me from some of this craziness.  I have tried to Google hobby ideas without much luck. I have listed some of the hobbies from the "top hobbies" list and the "most popular hobbies" list and my response to them below:

1.  Playing with animals - I am allergic to animals and a lot of the hobbies that are listed have to do with interaction with animals.  I guess that is supposed to be something that brings joy to people, but unfortunately that is not an option for me.  

2. Food/cooking - Well, I do like to eat, but I am extremely picky.  If I don't like something it makes me gag or get sick.  I think this is the reason I am not a fan of cooking. Well, that AND the fact that clean up is such a bummer!! ;) 

3. Reading/Writing - I mentioned above that I used to LOVE to read but I have been SO distracted when reading recently.  I also enjoy writing.  This is a promising option, but I need my brain to take a vacation from it's overthinking when I sit down with my books!! :) 

4. Health/Sports/Fitness - I used to be athletic and I played a lot of sports.  I LOVE to be competitive and that is the key for me.  I do not get a "runner's high" regardless of how active I am, so competition is the only thing that makes any of this exciting for me.  I don't really see opportunities for me to be competitive with fitness right now, so that means that this isn't appealing to me... I guess this is a "maybe" on the hobbies list! 

5. Movies/TV- Well, I have this one down!  I have watched more Netflix than I should ever admit.  BUT, I would never consider this a hobby.  It is just an escape from the world.  Maybe I just need to change my mindset on this and embrace it as a hobby and stop feeling bad about the amount of time I have spent over the last year + watching Netflix! (As I continued my research I have realized that this is on most of the top hobbies lists SO it must be an actual hobby that I need to embrace! HAHA!!) 

6.  Music - I love music!! I have had "learn to play guitar" on my "To Do" list for decades!!! The problem is that it is something I wanted to learn because I thought it would be fun to share with my kiddos... which means that it could just make me sad.  I used to LOVE to sing for events, but I haven't devoted time to singing for SO long that I just don't have the same range that I once did. I think my problem is that I feel like I have to actually play for a purpose or sing for a purpose, which is just not realistic.  

7.  Travel - I would LOVE to travel as a hobby!!!! I would ABSOLUTELY love it!!! But, it is an expensive hobby.  Also, Mike is NOT a fan of traveling, which makes it a hobby that I would have to do on my own or with friends or other family members.  I definitely intend to travel again someday, but I need to save for those trips.  It just isn't a realistic hobby for me.  

8.  Gardening - Boy of boy do I wish I had a green thumb!!!! My poor yard would love for me to have a green thumb also!!! HAHAH!! This is something that I really need to figure out because it has been almost 4 years that we have lived in this house and we have yet to complete ANY landscaping!! This SHOULD be something that I attempt to make into a hobby.  I need to force myself to find joy in it by determining what it is that causes all the plants that cross my path to DIE!!!! 

9.  Art - I tried to get into painting... I discussed that a little bit earlier in this post.  I found that I did enjoy painting, but I also found that there are only so many things that I can paint on my own.  Mike hung up the 3 paintings that I created, but I just don't know that I would put any more of them up in our house (other than in a nursery) because they obviously are not AMAZING works of art.  They are decent considering the fact that I went to one painting class, but in reality I don't know what I would DO with my paintings if this became my new hobby.  Otherwise, I don't feel like I am very artistic.  I would need guidance for this to become a hobby for me!! 

10.  Shopping - I am sure that this COULD become a hobby for me, but the reality of household bills and student loans knocks this out of the running!! ;)

That is a basic rundown of the hobbies that I most frequently saw during my Google searches.  I am interested in what your hobbies are.  What brings you joy?  What is your escape?  How do you spend your time when it is not otherwise occupied?

I truly think that people who are passionate about hobbies are happier than people who are not.  I feel that people who have found something that takes them to "their happy place" are better able to face the day to day situations that can bring a person down.  My quest to find this escape has not been successful YET, but I am not giving up on it.

Current contenders:
- reading
- writing
- learning to play the guitar???? ( I would have to buy a guitar!! YIKES that is commitment!!)
- painting??
- photography (I didn't even mention it in the list above, but Mike bought me a camera a year and a half ago... I wanted it so that we had a good camera to take pictures of kiddos.  I should give it a purpose.  BUT, I did take a semester long photography class and I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!)
- gardening - Though I feel sorry for plants just thinking about trying to tackle gardening as a hobby! 

- I have been working on some crocheting projects this weekend while I watched "Switched at Birth" on Netflix. I am almost to that point that I need to put the projects away for a while.  It is one of those hobbies that I enjoy until I make something SUPER cute and feel sad that I don't have a purpose to keep it.  Hopefully some day that feeling will go away so that it can be a hobby that I find joy in!

Maybe your favorite hobbies can become contenders!!! Share them with me!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend!  Mike and I had a nice evening.  We had dinner with his parents and then we played pitch and watched the fireworks together.  It was fun!