Today is my 34th Birthday and MUCH to my surprise everything is okay!! I woke up this morning and shockingly nothing changed overnight!!! I know this sounds silly, but all of the infertility studies discuss statistics by age and therefore birthdays are dreaded instead of celebrated. Sometimes I just need to take a step back and recognize all of the amazing things I have to celebrate! Today I enjoyed chatting with friends and family, eating yummy foods, working on hobbies, and generally I felt fabulous... no side effects of icky sicky feelings! WOOHOO!!! I even started a new hobby by buying a guitar! It was a very good day!!! :)
Last week the school board approved changing insurance back to Blue Cross Blue Shield. I am hopeful that this is going to open up a lot of possibilities for us. I planned to call offices today to inquire about protocols that are offered, but instead I gave myself permission to just have a day to not stress about this journey. And I didn't!!! Even now, as I write this entry I am not stressing about it or trying to determine what we should do. I am just updating and leaving the stress until tomorrow!!
I hope everyone has a wonderful week!! I am extremely excited about this week! I have plans to do something fun every day this week. Then on Friday I am thrilled to have the opportunity to go dress shopping with one of my best friends! I am going to be the Matron of Honor in her wedding next summer and it is going to be so much fun to shop for dresses!!! Then we are going to spend the weekend in Wisconsin... YEP, you read that right!!! Mike and I are going to leave Monmouth!!!! WOOHOO!!!! I can't even tell you how excited I am!!!!!!!!! Gazillion exclamation marks type of excited!!! There are several things that I will have to say no to this weekend, but honestly we NEED this!!! We need to get away and have a fun weekend! And, since Mike is the one who asked about it I am going to strike while the iron is hot and drop everything to go!!!! :) We are going to get to spend time with great friends while we are there and I am thrilled!!! :)
I have read studies online that said that 34 is the best year of a person's life. Though that is sad for people who have passed 34 it would be pretty exciting for me if that is true because it would mean that I have an amazing year ahead of me!!! :)
Thank you to all of you for supporting us on this journey!! Thank you for sticking with me throughout this funk. Hopefully my spirit is on the mend. I won a book from one of my favorite infertility blogs and I am very hopeful that it will rejuvinate me. I was also leant several other books that were helpful to others going through a rough time. The truth is that this is life. We go through ups and downs, highs and lows, and we have to lean on our people to help us through. I think that I tried to be positive for SOOO long that I just had a long way to fall when I hit my true funk! As we search for our new facility I must dig deep and be hopeful! I know I can do it, especially with such an amazing support system lifting me up!!!
Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers, hugs, and smiles!! They are appreciated more than you could ever know!! :)
Monday, July 13, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
Just some thoughts...
My body has been going absolutely crazy again! SHOCKER!!! On Monday morning I woke up and had started bleeding again. I finally called the doctor's office on Thursday and asked them what I should do. They said that they don't feel that my body is absorbing the hormones of the BCP correcly and that I should stop taking the pill that night and start the Nuvaring next Thursday. I told them I would rather just stop the pill. I have no idea why this keeps happening. My body will do fine with a medication for a while and then it just stops responding to it/ absorbing it. It is so frustrating. So for now I am just going to give my body a break. I have felt terrible and crampy this weekend, but I am hoping that I will feel better in a few days. I have started the Plexus Triplex and we will see if that has any positive effect on my situation.
- I have been working on some crocheting projects this weekend while I watched "Switched at Birth" on Netflix. I am almost to that point that I need to put the projects away for a while. It is one of those hobbies that I enjoy until I make something SUPER cute and feel sad that I don't have a purpose to keep it. Hopefully some day that feeling will go away so that it can be a hobby that I find joy in!
Maybe your favorite hobbies can become contenders!!! Share them with me!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend! Mike and I had a nice evening. We had dinner with his parents and then we played pitch and watched the fireworks together. It was fun!
It is funny because I really did intend to start off July with a fresh new start, leaving behind the June Gloom that I wrote about early in the week, but I have felt CRAPTASTIC so far!! This weekend I have had a lot of time to think while I have been feeling crummy. I decided that I really need to determine what makes me happy. I realized that my hobbies are things that I thought I would do as a mom. I thought that I would crochet cute blankets, hats, scarves, animals, etc. for my kiddos. I started sewing so that I could make all kinds of adorable things for my kiddos. I bought a ton of supplies to hand embroider items such as stockings, blankets, etc. I purchased a lot of acrylic paint and canvases that I thought would be a fabulous way to decorate the nursery (The room that I sometimes call the craft room, not because I do crafts in there, but because I have thrown most of the supplies for these hobbies into the room. In reality it houses a rocking chair, side table, changing table, and dressers... all it needs is a crib. It is the room in the house that I have to keep the door closed to because it would otherwise make me feel sad and pathetic.). I LOVED reading, but I haven't read much because I just haven't been in a mindset to let myself be overtaken by a book... Instead I get distracted by my thoughts and end up reading pages multiple times before just giving up. Infertily has truly been all encompassing and has taken over my life. I try and try to tell myself that I need to give myself a break and stop thinking about it, but it is absolutely impossible.
I think the answer is to come up with new hobbies. Things that will distract me from some of this craziness. I have tried to Google hobby ideas without much luck. I have listed some of the hobbies from the "top hobbies" list and the "most popular hobbies" list and my response to them below:
1. Playing with animals - I am allergic to animals and a lot of the hobbies that are listed have to do with interaction with animals. I guess that is supposed to be something that brings joy to people, but unfortunately that is not an option for me.
2. Food/cooking - Well, I do like to eat, but I am extremely picky. If I don't like something it makes me gag or get sick. I think this is the reason I am not a fan of cooking. Well, that AND the fact that clean up is such a bummer!! ;)
3. Reading/Writing - I mentioned above that I used to LOVE to read but I have been SO distracted when reading recently. I also enjoy writing. This is a promising option, but I need my brain to take a vacation from it's overthinking when I sit down with my books!! :)
4. Health/Sports/Fitness - I used to be athletic and I played a lot of sports. I LOVE to be competitive and that is the key for me. I do not get a "runner's high" regardless of how active I am, so competition is the only thing that makes any of this exciting for me. I don't really see opportunities for me to be competitive with fitness right now, so that means that this isn't appealing to me... I guess this is a "maybe" on the hobbies list!
5. Movies/TV- Well, I have this one down! I have watched more Netflix than I should ever admit. BUT, I would never consider this a hobby. It is just an escape from the world. Maybe I just need to change my mindset on this and embrace it as a hobby and stop feeling bad about the amount of time I have spent over the last year + watching Netflix! (As I continued my research I have realized that this is on most of the top hobbies lists SO it must be an actual hobby that I need to embrace! HAHA!!)
6. Music - I love music!! I have had "learn to play guitar" on my "To Do" list for decades!!! The problem is that it is something I wanted to learn because I thought it would be fun to share with my kiddos... which means that it could just make me sad. I used to LOVE to sing for events, but I haven't devoted time to singing for SO long that I just don't have the same range that I once did. I think my problem is that I feel like I have to actually play for a purpose or sing for a purpose, which is just not realistic.
7. Travel - I would LOVE to travel as a hobby!!!! I would ABSOLUTELY love it!!! But, it is an expensive hobby. Also, Mike is NOT a fan of traveling, which makes it a hobby that I would have to do on my own or with friends or other family members. I definitely intend to travel again someday, but I need to save for those trips. It just isn't a realistic hobby for me.
8. Gardening - Boy of boy do I wish I had a green thumb!!!! My poor yard would love for me to have a green thumb also!!! HAHAH!! This is something that I really need to figure out because it has been almost 4 years that we have lived in this house and we have yet to complete ANY landscaping!! This SHOULD be something that I attempt to make into a hobby. I need to force myself to find joy in it by determining what it is that causes all the plants that cross my path to DIE!!!!
9. Art - I tried to get into painting... I discussed that a little bit earlier in this post. I found that I did enjoy painting, but I also found that there are only so many things that I can paint on my own. Mike hung up the 3 paintings that I created, but I just don't know that I would put any more of them up in our house (other than in a nursery) because they obviously are not AMAZING works of art. They are decent considering the fact that I went to one painting class, but in reality I don't know what I would DO with my paintings if this became my new hobby. Otherwise, I don't feel like I am very artistic. I would need guidance for this to become a hobby for me!!
10. Shopping - I am sure that this COULD become a hobby for me, but the reality of household bills and student loans knocks this out of the running!! ;)
That is a basic rundown of the hobbies that I most frequently saw during my Google searches. I am interested in what your hobbies are. What brings you joy? What is your escape? How do you spend your time when it is not otherwise occupied?
I truly think that people who are passionate about hobbies are happier than people who are not. I feel that people who have found something that takes them to "their happy place" are better able to face the day to day situations that can bring a person down. My quest to find this escape has not been successful YET, but I am not giving up on it.
Current contenders:
- reading
- writing
- learning to play the guitar???? ( I would have to buy a guitar!! YIKES that is commitment!!)
- painting??
- photography (I didn't even mention it in the list above, but Mike bought me a camera a year and a half ago... I wanted it so that we had a good camera to take pictures of kiddos. I should give it a purpose. BUT, I did take a semester long photography class and I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!)
- gardening - Though I feel sorry for plants just thinking about trying to tackle gardening as a hobby!
That is a basic rundown of the hobbies that I most frequently saw during my Google searches. I am interested in what your hobbies are. What brings you joy? What is your escape? How do you spend your time when it is not otherwise occupied?
I truly think that people who are passionate about hobbies are happier than people who are not. I feel that people who have found something that takes them to "their happy place" are better able to face the day to day situations that can bring a person down. My quest to find this escape has not been successful YET, but I am not giving up on it.
Current contenders:
- reading
- writing
- learning to play the guitar???? ( I would have to buy a guitar!! YIKES that is commitment!!)
- painting??
- photography (I didn't even mention it in the list above, but Mike bought me a camera a year and a half ago... I wanted it so that we had a good camera to take pictures of kiddos. I should give it a purpose. BUT, I did take a semester long photography class and I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!)
- gardening - Though I feel sorry for plants just thinking about trying to tackle gardening as a hobby!
- I have been working on some crocheting projects this weekend while I watched "Switched at Birth" on Netflix. I am almost to that point that I need to put the projects away for a while. It is one of those hobbies that I enjoy until I make something SUPER cute and feel sad that I don't have a purpose to keep it. Hopefully some day that feeling will go away so that it can be a hobby that I find joy in!
Maybe your favorite hobbies can become contenders!!! Share them with me!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend! Mike and I had a nice evening. We had dinner with his parents and then we played pitch and watched the fireworks together. It was fun!
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
June Gloom...
I remember going to San Diego in June about 11 years ago... It was cold and dreary and we quickly heard from many people that we were there during June Gloom. I thought, "YUCK! Why would anyone want to live here!". Well, for the last two years I have lived in my very own June Gloom!! And honestly, I don't want to live here anymore!
Last June was a living nightmare. I haven't looked back at posts from that time period. I don't think I want to. I don't know if I was trying to sugar coat things or if I was honest. I imagine that there is no way I could have been completely honest because I was in a DARK place. I was losing my mind! I was hanging on by a thread of my sanity. I don't think that there has ever been a time in which I have cried SO hard for SO long.
This June I was numb. I was sad. I was a shell of my former self. I could barely drag myself out of bed to make it to the couch. And though I was honest in my posts about what was going on, which was pretty glum and down, they were nothing compared to what I was actually feeling. I kept telling myself that I HAD to start getting up and doing something with my day. It wasn't like I was sleeping away the days. I was still getting up early every day and waking Mike up for work or meetings. I was still staying up super late doing absolutely nothing... well, probably watching Netflix. ;) But, it was SO hard for me to actually face life.
I was feeling SOOOO terrible physically and emotionally. My body was completely failing me. I couldn't even cry because I had no tears left. AT LEAST when I was feeling so badly last year I was crying and yelling and letting the feelings out (alone in my house... like a CRAZY person... But still, I was letting those feelings out!). On a daily basis it was hard to find anything to feel good about and it was especially hard because there were people around that I still needed to attempt to plaster a smile on my face for.
I considered calling to see if my counselor that I stopped seeing 5 years ago was even still employed at the facility I used to go to. For all I know she could be retired by now. Who knows? I tried vitamins. I tried reading things on the internet about common remedies for depression. None of it helped, but one thing was for sure, I was ABSOLUTELY depressed.
I know that the word "depressed" gets thrown around a lot. But I know the true meaning of the word and I have been on medication for it and anxiety before. I know what it is and it is ugly. It is not something that you can just suck up. It is not something that you can just shake off. It is not something that you can wish away. I also know that I have been able to control those feelings for YEARS without medication and I wanted to do anything and everything I could to not get back to that point again.
I actually started the anxiety/depression medication on our wedding day. Before we even knew that we were infertile! I spent so many years trying to smile through the pain and being a people pleaser and at that point I just couldn't do it on my own anymore. I had been to counseling for over a year. Probably 2 years and I just didn't want to live like I was anymore. I honestly didn't know who I was at that point. I spent so much time trying to "be happy" for other people that I was NEVER happy. Whatever people wanted I just smiled and did it. I will never be able to fully describe how I felt then, but to get to a point that I knew something had to change was HUGE. After I started taking meds the counseling sessions were much more effective. They diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. They said that I had OCD tendencies and ADHD tendencies, but they did not know which was the primary and which was the secondary... hence the Generalized diagnosis. I spent the next year taking various medications that ranged from causing me to feel absolutely HORRENDOUS to feeling functional, but not really different. I had a new understanding of how my students who were medicated felt. A change in the meds cound make you feel like a totally different person. A missed dose could take a week to regulate. It was terrible! But, once they got it right it was AMAZING. II didn't feel like a different person, I didn't feel like I was in a fog or like I was "drugged" or anything. I could just function without the constant nagging pressure to be the best and please everyone... the pressure was still there, but it just wasn't as intense. At that point I was able to actually function well enough to take in all of the strategies that I learned from my counselor and from the psychiatrist. I was able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually I was able to cut back on the meds and spread my sessions out with my counselor. Then I went off the meds completely and just saw my counselor. And when we moved, I said goodbye to Macomb and a month later I said goodbye to my counselor as well. I wasn't CURED of my disorder or my tendencies, but I was able to use strategies to function! I was able to see a little bit of GRAY in my black and white life. (Anyone who knows a little about OCD knows that things are very black and white for people with OCD tendencies. I would always say, "It isn't that I necessarily think my way is right and that I am not willing to change my views... it is that if there were a better way I would change what I do and do it that way." That was a time in my life that was very difficult, but a time that was also amazing. I was finally addressing something that was "wrong" in my life for a very long time and I was no longer afraid of the stigma of seeking help. Honestly, it was fortunate that I didn't lose my life before I sought help. There were times that I was just plain destructive to my life and thankfully those times did not win. We all know people who were not that lucky. (This blog is not the setting to go into more details about my experiences in counseling or my destructive behaviors (I will say that none of these behaviors involved doing drugs. I don't want anyone reading this to get that impression. Thankfully I never felt that they would be the answer to any of my problems.). Just know that I would be happy to make recommendations to anyone who feels that they are at a point in their lives that they need and want change. It can be scary to make that step, but it is even scarier to live in a way that you are careless and could not care less about living. I am happy to help in any way that I can!)
With that little bit of background in mind, I think that the fact that I have OCD tendencies caused me to approach infertility in a slightly different way than I have read in other blogs and postings by people going through it. I was very willing to try whatever I was told was the best option because it was very black and white to me... If this is the best option then it is what we will do. Why wouldn't we? As long as we have had a plan, I felt like I was making gains. No plan equalled DOOM!!! And basically June has been a month of NO PLAN for two years now.
Last week I began to realize that I was ablsolutely on a down hill spiral. I had finally stopped bleeding and I was able to step out of the chaos for a moment and see that I was in a terrible mind set. I tried to snap out of it, but as I said before, nothing seemed to help. I determined that June was a total loss, but that I needed to make a change. That I needed to give myself a boundary and to determine that July could NOT be another June. What has changed? Well, in our situation absolutely nothing has changed... so it just has to be a change in mindset. I am going to take the Plexus supplements and I am going to work on becoming healthier. I am going to attempt to take back my life and not let infertility continue to make me feel like less of a person. Am I a different person now? Absolutely! Will I ever go back to being the person I was when I left counseling? No, there is no way that I could. Too much has happened to change me, but that doesn't mean that I can't be better.
I have knowledge today of so many things that I didn't when I walked out of the door at MDH 5 years ago. I am stronger than I ever could have imagined. I have worked through so many things and broken so many of the obsessions that I still had when I left counseling. I have overcome fears, I have faced scary situations... of course I can be BETTER than I was back then. Is it going to be hard to move into a new mindset? Of course it is. But then again, there are not a lot of things that are worth it that aren't hard.
I can't continue to be a shell of my former self. So today, July 1st, I am moving out of the June Gloom and looking forward to working on becoming a healthier me. That doesn't mean that things will be sunshine and rainbows from here on out. But it does mean that I am trying and that is step one!
Thank you for your support as we continue on this journey. I am sure I will need your help to keep the "gloom" behind me!! :)
Last June was a living nightmare. I haven't looked back at posts from that time period. I don't think I want to. I don't know if I was trying to sugar coat things or if I was honest. I imagine that there is no way I could have been completely honest because I was in a DARK place. I was losing my mind! I was hanging on by a thread of my sanity. I don't think that there has ever been a time in which I have cried SO hard for SO long.
This June I was numb. I was sad. I was a shell of my former self. I could barely drag myself out of bed to make it to the couch. And though I was honest in my posts about what was going on, which was pretty glum and down, they were nothing compared to what I was actually feeling. I kept telling myself that I HAD to start getting up and doing something with my day. It wasn't like I was sleeping away the days. I was still getting up early every day and waking Mike up for work or meetings. I was still staying up super late doing absolutely nothing... well, probably watching Netflix. ;) But, it was SO hard for me to actually face life.
I was feeling SOOOO terrible physically and emotionally. My body was completely failing me. I couldn't even cry because I had no tears left. AT LEAST when I was feeling so badly last year I was crying and yelling and letting the feelings out (alone in my house... like a CRAZY person... But still, I was letting those feelings out!). On a daily basis it was hard to find anything to feel good about and it was especially hard because there were people around that I still needed to attempt to plaster a smile on my face for.
I considered calling to see if my counselor that I stopped seeing 5 years ago was even still employed at the facility I used to go to. For all I know she could be retired by now. Who knows? I tried vitamins. I tried reading things on the internet about common remedies for depression. None of it helped, but one thing was for sure, I was ABSOLUTELY depressed.
I know that the word "depressed" gets thrown around a lot. But I know the true meaning of the word and I have been on medication for it and anxiety before. I know what it is and it is ugly. It is not something that you can just suck up. It is not something that you can just shake off. It is not something that you can wish away. I also know that I have been able to control those feelings for YEARS without medication and I wanted to do anything and everything I could to not get back to that point again.
I actually started the anxiety/depression medication on our wedding day. Before we even knew that we were infertile! I spent so many years trying to smile through the pain and being a people pleaser and at that point I just couldn't do it on my own anymore. I had been to counseling for over a year. Probably 2 years and I just didn't want to live like I was anymore. I honestly didn't know who I was at that point. I spent so much time trying to "be happy" for other people that I was NEVER happy. Whatever people wanted I just smiled and did it. I will never be able to fully describe how I felt then, but to get to a point that I knew something had to change was HUGE. After I started taking meds the counseling sessions were much more effective. They diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. They said that I had OCD tendencies and ADHD tendencies, but they did not know which was the primary and which was the secondary... hence the Generalized diagnosis. I spent the next year taking various medications that ranged from causing me to feel absolutely HORRENDOUS to feeling functional, but not really different. I had a new understanding of how my students who were medicated felt. A change in the meds cound make you feel like a totally different person. A missed dose could take a week to regulate. It was terrible! But, once they got it right it was AMAZING. II didn't feel like a different person, I didn't feel like I was in a fog or like I was "drugged" or anything. I could just function without the constant nagging pressure to be the best and please everyone... the pressure was still there, but it just wasn't as intense. At that point I was able to actually function well enough to take in all of the strategies that I learned from my counselor and from the psychiatrist. I was able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually I was able to cut back on the meds and spread my sessions out with my counselor. Then I went off the meds completely and just saw my counselor. And when we moved, I said goodbye to Macomb and a month later I said goodbye to my counselor as well. I wasn't CURED of my disorder or my tendencies, but I was able to use strategies to function! I was able to see a little bit of GRAY in my black and white life. (Anyone who knows a little about OCD knows that things are very black and white for people with OCD tendencies. I would always say, "It isn't that I necessarily think my way is right and that I am not willing to change my views... it is that if there were a better way I would change what I do and do it that way." That was a time in my life that was very difficult, but a time that was also amazing. I was finally addressing something that was "wrong" in my life for a very long time and I was no longer afraid of the stigma of seeking help. Honestly, it was fortunate that I didn't lose my life before I sought help. There were times that I was just plain destructive to my life and thankfully those times did not win. We all know people who were not that lucky. (This blog is not the setting to go into more details about my experiences in counseling or my destructive behaviors (I will say that none of these behaviors involved doing drugs. I don't want anyone reading this to get that impression. Thankfully I never felt that they would be the answer to any of my problems.). Just know that I would be happy to make recommendations to anyone who feels that they are at a point in their lives that they need and want change. It can be scary to make that step, but it is even scarier to live in a way that you are careless and could not care less about living. I am happy to help in any way that I can!)
With that little bit of background in mind, I think that the fact that I have OCD tendencies caused me to approach infertility in a slightly different way than I have read in other blogs and postings by people going through it. I was very willing to try whatever I was told was the best option because it was very black and white to me... If this is the best option then it is what we will do. Why wouldn't we? As long as we have had a plan, I felt like I was making gains. No plan equalled DOOM!!! And basically June has been a month of NO PLAN for two years now.
Last week I began to realize that I was ablsolutely on a down hill spiral. I had finally stopped bleeding and I was able to step out of the chaos for a moment and see that I was in a terrible mind set. I tried to snap out of it, but as I said before, nothing seemed to help. I determined that June was a total loss, but that I needed to make a change. That I needed to give myself a boundary and to determine that July could NOT be another June. What has changed? Well, in our situation absolutely nothing has changed... so it just has to be a change in mindset. I am going to take the Plexus supplements and I am going to work on becoming healthier. I am going to attempt to take back my life and not let infertility continue to make me feel like less of a person. Am I a different person now? Absolutely! Will I ever go back to being the person I was when I left counseling? No, there is no way that I could. Too much has happened to change me, but that doesn't mean that I can't be better.
I have knowledge today of so many things that I didn't when I walked out of the door at MDH 5 years ago. I am stronger than I ever could have imagined. I have worked through so many things and broken so many of the obsessions that I still had when I left counseling. I have overcome fears, I have faced scary situations... of course I can be BETTER than I was back then. Is it going to be hard to move into a new mindset? Of course it is. But then again, there are not a lot of things that are worth it that aren't hard.
I can't continue to be a shell of my former self. So today, July 1st, I am moving out of the June Gloom and looking forward to working on becoming a healthier me. That doesn't mean that things will be sunshine and rainbows from here on out. But it does mean that I am trying and that is step one!
Thank you for your support as we continue on this journey. I am sure I will need your help to keep the "gloom" behind me!! :)
The latest
Well, there is not a ton to update on at this point. I want to make sure to fill in the gaps so that when I read this blog later in life, or even just a couple months from now, I am able to recall what was going on. Sometimes, if I reread blog posts I will look at it and think, "Why didn't I write that" or "Waid, I totally forgot to update about that". I think it is because I often forget that I didn't already post things!
My period finally stopped after 23 days. June 16th was the last day, so June 17th was pretty exciting!! I followed the protocol that the doctor's office gave me, taking the birth control pill again on June 18th.
Something that I forgot to write about in May is that I actually did email my old facility. It is SO weird because I REALLY thought that I wrote a blog post about it, but I can't find one. The day after I made the post stating that I was thinking about emailing SHER I stumbled upon the infertility story of the AMAZING IVF coordinator from SHER... YEP, you read that right... it turns out that when they tried to have a family they struggled and they ended up being an IVF success story. Their story is absolutely amazing!!! It can be found on SHER's website under "The Neils' Story". I am so happly for them. I can only assume that they are either VERY close to having a new baby now or they have already had her!! I emailed right away and congratulated her. I also emailed the financial lady there and she sent back that she did remember me, but that she was leaving for another facility. SO, it will be a new doctor there, the IVF coordinator there will likely be on maternity leave, and the financial consultant lady will be new. Sounds like we would be starting from scratch if we end up there.
Unfortunately I have already started bleeding again. Monday morning I woke up and was so upset to discover that my body has gone CRAZY again. I haven't even called the doctor yet because I know that there is nothing that they can do. It is light bleeding, not heavy. We have already done a PAP test, so if there are bad cells causing this we should get a phone call within a week or two telling us that. I am guessing that it is just my body going crazy again.
I have determined that I am not joining my family on their Florida trip. Who wants to go to the beach when they have no idea what their body will be doing. I have cramps all the time and it would be miserable to be at the beach with cramps and yuck!!!
I think that I am actually going to call the doctor and ask if I should just go off of the pill after tonight's dose (it has been 14 days like it was last time they had me do a reset) and just let myself have a period. Or if it would be best just to wait and stop it after next Wednesday's final dose and then just not refill my prescription. I am guessing that they will say to wait until next Wednesday. Which is fine. I just want to stop putting hormones into my system that are not working for my body.
I started taking Plexus yesterday after about 2 months of reading information and considering it. I decided that it would be helpful for my insulin resistance, if nothing else. But, I have read a lot of stories of people who have been helped with their various infertility cases by using these products. Even if it just helped me to "feel better" and detox after all of the crazy meds they have had me on I would be THRILLED. I feel like we have tried EVERYTHING under the sun to get pregnant, so I might as well try this, too!!!
I am going to make another post after this about June. It will explain a little more about the way I have been feeling, but I hope this post filled in some of the gaps. At some point I will probably read through the blog and see if there are things that I left out that I want to remember! Probably not today though! ;)
I hope everyone has a great day!
My period finally stopped after 23 days. June 16th was the last day, so June 17th was pretty exciting!! I followed the protocol that the doctor's office gave me, taking the birth control pill again on June 18th.
Something that I forgot to write about in May is that I actually did email my old facility. It is SO weird because I REALLY thought that I wrote a blog post about it, but I can't find one. The day after I made the post stating that I was thinking about emailing SHER I stumbled upon the infertility story of the AMAZING IVF coordinator from SHER... YEP, you read that right... it turns out that when they tried to have a family they struggled and they ended up being an IVF success story. Their story is absolutely amazing!!! It can be found on SHER's website under "The Neils' Story". I am so happly for them. I can only assume that they are either VERY close to having a new baby now or they have already had her!! I emailed right away and congratulated her. I also emailed the financial lady there and she sent back that she did remember me, but that she was leaving for another facility. SO, it will be a new doctor there, the IVF coordinator there will likely be on maternity leave, and the financial consultant lady will be new. Sounds like we would be starting from scratch if we end up there.
Unfortunately I have already started bleeding again. Monday morning I woke up and was so upset to discover that my body has gone CRAZY again. I haven't even called the doctor yet because I know that there is nothing that they can do. It is light bleeding, not heavy. We have already done a PAP test, so if there are bad cells causing this we should get a phone call within a week or two telling us that. I am guessing that it is just my body going crazy again.
I have determined that I am not joining my family on their Florida trip. Who wants to go to the beach when they have no idea what their body will be doing. I have cramps all the time and it would be miserable to be at the beach with cramps and yuck!!!
I think that I am actually going to call the doctor and ask if I should just go off of the pill after tonight's dose (it has been 14 days like it was last time they had me do a reset) and just let myself have a period. Or if it would be best just to wait and stop it after next Wednesday's final dose and then just not refill my prescription. I am guessing that they will say to wait until next Wednesday. Which is fine. I just want to stop putting hormones into my system that are not working for my body.
I started taking Plexus yesterday after about 2 months of reading information and considering it. I decided that it would be helpful for my insulin resistance, if nothing else. But, I have read a lot of stories of people who have been helped with their various infertility cases by using these products. Even if it just helped me to "feel better" and detox after all of the crazy meds they have had me on I would be THRILLED. I feel like we have tried EVERYTHING under the sun to get pregnant, so I might as well try this, too!!!
I am going to make another post after this about June. It will explain a little more about the way I have been feeling, but I hope this post filled in some of the gaps. At some point I will probably read through the blog and see if there are things that I left out that I want to remember! Probably not today though! ;)
I hope everyone has a great day!
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