Tomorrow evening we will be in Iowa City so that I can have an abdominal MRI. Though I am ready for it and hopeful that it will give us answers, I am also extremely nervous. Setting the MRI up was a nightmare that I will probably write a blog about soon... Now that it is here, I am anxious. The idea of trying to be still for over an hour seems impossible! The thought of another IV makes me nautious because of the trouble that nurses have had in the past. But, the most frightening thing is that after this we will know for certain if what the doctor saw was adenomyosis and we will also have an idea of how severe it is.
Today I have had many thoughts pass through my mind...
1. I have thought about that fact that the adenomyosis could be so bad that they determine that we cannot transfer the embryo that we have. What then?
2. I have thought about the plan that I was told... completing a fresh cycle, but freezing all embryos. Then putting me into menopause and hoping that it helps to shrink the adenomyosis and, therefore, my uterus. But, what happens if we have the embryos and then my uterus doesn't shrink... what then?
3. I wondered whether we would attempt to come up with the money to use a gestational carrier. But I just don't know if that is even something that is feasible.
4. I thought of the horrible things that could go wrong for that carrier and how horrible I would feel... and determined that I would never be able to move beyond that.
5. I thought that all of this thinking is just making me crazy!!! HAHAH!! Yep... I actually thought that and said that to Mike while we were eating dinner tonight!
The truth is that we really don't know what will come from this... And it is easy for people to say that I need to stay calm... But another thought that I had is that each time we go to a doctor they seem to find something else that is wrong with me! They really do. There is never anything that is exciting. There is never anything that is sunshine and rainbows and it is HARD to be strong through it all. As I walked out the door this morning I thought to myself, "I am so sick of having to be strong." That thought stopped me in my tracks. I didn't see it coming. What led to that thought?!?! I simply walked by the letter from Iowa City.
Tomorrow will be the first day for kiddos in the 2015-2016 school year. It is a new beginning! I have watched so many people post pictures of their kiddos on their first day of school. It is crazy to think that if we had gotten pregnant when we had initially intended to we would have a kindergartener this year!! Seriously!! That really brings this journey into perspective!!! The end of this month will mark 6 years of trying to grow our family. And hopefully the end of this month will also be a time in which we are creating a new plan for growing our family. A new plan that takes into account all of the issues that we are facing.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! I am sure I will need them tomorrow!!! :)
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Oak Brook
Today Mike and I traveled to Oak Brook and met a new doctor. He talked to us about our journey and about options moving forward. He told me to start accupuncture again, to start taking DHEA supplements, and suggested that we piggy back fresh cycles to try to collect as many eggs as possible due to my depleted AMH level. He also said that he wanted to test my thyroid levels because he could see my thyroid when I swallow and that should not be the case. We felt like he listened and he answered questions.
Then, he said that he would do an exam. He sent Mike to the waiting room and I went with him and a woman who I assume is a nurse (not sure... I know her name, not her title) to an exam room. (I must admit that I thought it was strange that Mike was sent away... I am not sure of the reasoning behind it. Maybe they didn't realize that he had been there for all other ultrasounds and they thought he would be uncomfortable... who knows. I will definitely ask that they allow him back there in the future though!) Less than a second after the ultrasound started the doctor stated that my uterus was HUGE and that he felt that I have adenomyosis. (You might recognize that diagnosis from SHER in Peoria. Dr. Horowitz diagnosed me with it, but I was not treated for it because we had to switch facilities and the new facility did not feel that I had any issues.) He immediately told the person in "nurse" that I would need an abdominal MRI. Then he took a lot of measurements and showed and explained to me exactly why he thought adenomyosis was a problem. My uterus is not pear shaped like it should be, it is huge and round. It is not symmetrical, one side is almost twice the size of the other. He continued to measure and print pictures for my file. He ordered many blood tests and told the "nurse" to make sure that I was given a script to have the abdominal MRI completed in Iowa City.
He said that we will have to wait for the results of the blood work and the MRI to move forward. He said that depending on how things go he thinks we should complete a fresh cycle, but freeze all of the embryos. Then they will give me Lupron to put me into menopause for 3-4 months. At that point they would reassess and determine if the Lupron was "shrinking" my uterus. They would determine at that point if they felt that I would need another surgery. They said that the first couple months (up to 3 months) are the best chance for someone with stage 4 endometriosis to get pregnant. So, they would attempt a frozen cycle as quickly after surgery as possible. But, we will have to wait for the results of all tests before we know what we are facing.
I read quite a few things about adenomyosis tonight and none of it was very encouraging considering the current size of my uterus. He told me that it is a hostile enviroment and that transfering embryos into it would not be a good idea. Hopefully between the MRI and the blood work we will get a good picture of what is happening with my body and we will be able to determine what I need to do to best prepare my body to carry a child at some point in the future.
I asked the doctor about the fact that I gained SOOO much weight during the last cycle and he said that he feels that it was stress. (Of course hormones and injections played a part, too) He did an amazing job of describing what all of this does to a woman's body physically and mentally. He said that if it was something other than stress it would have come off by now. He said that accupuncture should help lower stress. He also said that I should not worry about trying to lose it at this point. He said I could spend the entire day in the gym just to lose 1 pound. I guess this is extremely common for people who go through repeated cycles and years of infertility. He said that my thyroid could also be a culprit. I was hoping there was a quick fix for all of this, but of course that is not true!! ;) It is hard not to be self conscious about the additional weight, but I am going to try to remember that stressing about it is only making my overall well being WORSE!!!
Overall, we were very happy with our experience with the doctor today. He seemed very knowledgable. The "nurse" was pretty flaky... once the doctor left she took me to the phlebotomist and couldn't keep the names of the labs straight... even I knew what they needed to be. She said that she had just eaten and was in a "coma" from lunch. Then, when she was going over the IVF packet she was all over the place, left to go get me the MRI script, came back without it, asked me where we were at in the process, remembered that she needed the MRI script, left again... it was totally bizarre! Mike would have been livid if he saw the chaos. SO... I guess it is true that we will never find a perfect place... every facility has their strengths and weaknesses!! HAHHA!
I will keep you updated as we continue with the MRI and wait for the results of my blood work. Though I was hoping for better news today I am not going to let this get me down. They kept telling me that as long as we are able to retrieve eggs we have plenty of time to try to prepare my uterus for transfer. They kept saying that I am young because I am "not 35 yet"! This was hilarious to me because I am just over 11 months from 35! And, if it wasn't for my conditions 35 wouldn't be old at all!!
Thank you for your support!! I appreciate the messages and texts checking on us!!!
I know that God has a plan for us and though it can be hard to accept, I know that things will work out perfectly in the end!
Then, he said that he would do an exam. He sent Mike to the waiting room and I went with him and a woman who I assume is a nurse (not sure... I know her name, not her title) to an exam room. (I must admit that I thought it was strange that Mike was sent away... I am not sure of the reasoning behind it. Maybe they didn't realize that he had been there for all other ultrasounds and they thought he would be uncomfortable... who knows. I will definitely ask that they allow him back there in the future though!) Less than a second after the ultrasound started the doctor stated that my uterus was HUGE and that he felt that I have adenomyosis. (You might recognize that diagnosis from SHER in Peoria. Dr. Horowitz diagnosed me with it, but I was not treated for it because we had to switch facilities and the new facility did not feel that I had any issues.) He immediately told the person in "nurse" that I would need an abdominal MRI. Then he took a lot of measurements and showed and explained to me exactly why he thought adenomyosis was a problem. My uterus is not pear shaped like it should be, it is huge and round. It is not symmetrical, one side is almost twice the size of the other. He continued to measure and print pictures for my file. He ordered many blood tests and told the "nurse" to make sure that I was given a script to have the abdominal MRI completed in Iowa City.
He said that we will have to wait for the results of the blood work and the MRI to move forward. He said that depending on how things go he thinks we should complete a fresh cycle, but freeze all of the embryos. Then they will give me Lupron to put me into menopause for 3-4 months. At that point they would reassess and determine if the Lupron was "shrinking" my uterus. They would determine at that point if they felt that I would need another surgery. They said that the first couple months (up to 3 months) are the best chance for someone with stage 4 endometriosis to get pregnant. So, they would attempt a frozen cycle as quickly after surgery as possible. But, we will have to wait for the results of all tests before we know what we are facing.
I read quite a few things about adenomyosis tonight and none of it was very encouraging considering the current size of my uterus. He told me that it is a hostile enviroment and that transfering embryos into it would not be a good idea. Hopefully between the MRI and the blood work we will get a good picture of what is happening with my body and we will be able to determine what I need to do to best prepare my body to carry a child at some point in the future.
I asked the doctor about the fact that I gained SOOO much weight during the last cycle and he said that he feels that it was stress. (Of course hormones and injections played a part, too) He did an amazing job of describing what all of this does to a woman's body physically and mentally. He said that if it was something other than stress it would have come off by now. He said that accupuncture should help lower stress. He also said that I should not worry about trying to lose it at this point. He said I could spend the entire day in the gym just to lose 1 pound. I guess this is extremely common for people who go through repeated cycles and years of infertility. He said that my thyroid could also be a culprit. I was hoping there was a quick fix for all of this, but of course that is not true!! ;) It is hard not to be self conscious about the additional weight, but I am going to try to remember that stressing about it is only making my overall well being WORSE!!!
Overall, we were very happy with our experience with the doctor today. He seemed very knowledgable. The "nurse" was pretty flaky... once the doctor left she took me to the phlebotomist and couldn't keep the names of the labs straight... even I knew what they needed to be. She said that she had just eaten and was in a "coma" from lunch. Then, when she was going over the IVF packet she was all over the place, left to go get me the MRI script, came back without it, asked me where we were at in the process, remembered that she needed the MRI script, left again... it was totally bizarre! Mike would have been livid if he saw the chaos. SO... I guess it is true that we will never find a perfect place... every facility has their strengths and weaknesses!! HAHHA!
I will keep you updated as we continue with the MRI and wait for the results of my blood work. Though I was hoping for better news today I am not going to let this get me down. They kept telling me that as long as we are able to retrieve eggs we have plenty of time to try to prepare my uterus for transfer. They kept saying that I am young because I am "not 35 yet"! This was hilarious to me because I am just over 11 months from 35! And, if it wasn't for my conditions 35 wouldn't be old at all!!
Thank you for your support!! I appreciate the messages and texts checking on us!!!
I know that God has a plan for us and though it can be hard to accept, I know that things will work out perfectly in the end!
Monday, August 3, 2015
Next Step...
Tomorrow marks the next step in our journey... we are headed to Oak Brook. Tomorrow we will have a consultation with the Endometriosis Institute. I have waited to post about it because we did not get the new patient information from the as quickly as I had expected. But, now we have it finished, printed, and ready to go. So, tomorrow we will get up bright and early and make the trek to Oak Brook.
We will have a lot to consider after meeting with this facility. We can't say with 100% certainty that we will move forward with this facility. We know that we have many options now that we have changed our insurance back to Blue Cross Blue Shield and we want to make sure that we are comfortable with the protocols that they are proposing.
I will keep you all posted as we move forward. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we meet with the new facility at noon tomorrow!
Have a wonderful evening!
We will have a lot to consider after meeting with this facility. We can't say with 100% certainty that we will move forward with this facility. We know that we have many options now that we have changed our insurance back to Blue Cross Blue Shield and we want to make sure that we are comfortable with the protocols that they are proposing.
I will keep you all posted as we move forward. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we meet with the new facility at noon tomorrow!
Have a wonderful evening!
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