I am so sorry that I did not post earlier in the week! I was a nervous wreck leading up to our appointment and completely exhausted myself! I slept 2 and 1/2 hours when I got home and then we have been running ever since with a busy week.
Great news! I was instantly relieved when the internal sonogram started because I could immediately see that we had a change on the screen! Then, as soon as she zoomed in I could see the heart beating! It was SO fast!! She pointed it out and I just knew that everything was great. Then she asked if we wanted to hear it. OF COURSE!!! The heart rate was 148 and it was strong and loud! Mike even commented on how loud it was. Then she did the measurements and said that the baby is right on track for the day we were in our pregnancy. The machine ran out of paper, so she gave us a picture and a half and said that she would get us some more pictures. She said that the pink edges of the paper meant nothing... just that the paper was out. I told her that if it is a girl I will tell everyone that she is psychic and tell everyone to see her!
We met with the nurse practitioner and she was wonderful. She talked to us about how we are feeling and my pregnancy symptoms. She talked about foods to stay away from. She was just great and addressed lots of things. She also told us that she saw a bruise in the sonogram that we will go back and have checked next week. She said that it is common to have a bruise from IVF and that we should not worry or Google it. Well, by Monday night I just HAD to Google it and I am glad that I did because I read that we REALLY shouldn't worry!! If I was already established with an OB they would have had me follow up on it with them, but since we have never been to the OB we will use we will stay with the University of Iowa for one more appointment. Then, once they see that the bruise is smaller, they will send us to a local OB. It is crazy to think that we will get so many opportunities to see our little one this month!! :)
One thing that the nurse practitioner discussed was how scary an IVF pregnancy can be. She said that many times people have a different reaction than they thought they would. That has been true for me. I was worried about my reaction. I thought there was something wrong with me. But, I got a letter in the mail from U of I telling me that it is okay if I am reacting differently than I thought I would and then, without any knowledge of my case, the nurse practitioner told me that IVF pregnancies are scary and it is okay if I am reacting differently. SO, I thought I should mention it here so that people do not think they are crazy like I did!!! IVF pregnancy is scary!! Heck, for all I know, any pregnancy could be scary... I only have IVF pregnancy to judge from. When I got the call I did not cry like I had always imagined. I was very calm... WAY too calm. I was in shock and that lasted for days and days. Then I was afraid. I was afraid that something horrible was going to happen. I was basically holding my breath until Leap Day. Don't get me wrong... I was very happy to hear the news, but I was so scared. I had never heard a yes before. I didn't know how to handle yes. I only knew how to handle no.
Then, on the day of our sonogram, I was SICK. I was up all night with nervous tummy and then I was puking from morning sickness. I was a mess. But, the weight of the world was off of my shoulders as soon as I saw the heart beating. Then I was instantly in fear mode again... it is still so early. What if, what if, what if. Then hearing of the bruise... We were told not to worry so Mike didn't worry at all. He didn't even think about it again, but of course it weighed on my mind. I am fine now. I Googled it (I know... Google is usually doom and gloom, but it wasn't this time!) and I am fine now. Turns out that she is right... it seems to happen with IVF patients! So now I am back to just being cautious. No longer nervous about the bruise, just cautious because it is still early!
The shock in all of this is that I thought that I would be full of happy tears and jumping for joy, but I haven't. I have been enjoying a state of cautious optimism and taking each yucky symptom as a wonderful sign that everything is still going well!! My tears came when the nurse practitioner said that IVF pregnancy is scary. She talked about the years that we worked hard to make this happen and all of the emotions that go into that. She talked about the importance of supporting each other through this scary pregnancy and my eyes filled with tears... I could remember the exact moment that we decided that we were actually going to try to start a family... that was 6 and 1/2 years ago!! And, she is right... we have faced so much together, each step of this journey. I am tearful now, just remembering the decisions we made and the different steps that we dreaded. Some are funny to look back on because they were not really a big deal at all considering the steps that would follow! Some really were hard. But, now we are on the other side of those things and it is such a surreal feeling! I cannot honestly say that the shock has worn off for me! HAHAH! The shock wore off for Mike long ago, but for me... not so much!
Thank you SO much for all of your thoughts and prayers!! We appreciate you all! And we appreciate your continued support as our journey continues! :)
So far we have been told by many people that with a heart rate of 148 it is a girl... only time will tell!! I love reading about the old wive's tales!! :)
I will try to post earlier about next week's visit!! Have a wonderful weekend!! I will likely be sleeping and trying to contain icky tummy by eating nonstop!! Protein palooza for a whole different reason this time!!! HAHAH!
