It has been a long time since I posted. A lot has happened... yet nothing has happened! Such is the world of infertility.
It has been nearly two months since our last IVF cycle was cancelled before we even got started. During that time I have done a lot of waiting and worrying. I tried not to worry, but my body was acting crazy. I had very specific dates that were given to me that would determine how we would proceed. If I started my period before December 16th we would have to wait a month before doing our Estrogen Priming Cycle. If I started my period on or after the 16th we would start right away. I was super nervous about all of this because it was new. I thought of a million things that could happen, but what was not expected was that I would not start my period... instead I spotted and stopped... spotted and stopped. It started on the 13th and I was very confused. By the 21st I knew that I had to face the inevitable. I had to take a pregnancy test before calling to ask them what to do or they would have me go in for a pregnancy test. (I have been through this before.) So, I did the home pregnancy test and waited for the moment that I have had time after time... the moment when you move beyond all reason into a state of hopefulness! Yep!! For a few moments I thought that maybe, just maybe it could be true. But, once again it was negative.
I called the office in Iowa City on Tuesday and left a message letting them know about the spotting and the fact that I didn't know what was happening. Just as I had thought, the nurse called back and said, "In your file we have down that we suggested timed intercourse while you waited"... at that point I cut her off and told her that I took a pregnancy test that was negative. She said, "Darn! Well, I am not sure what is going on then. I will have to get back with the doctors and we will call you back." So, I waited the rest of that day without hearing back from them and then got a call the next morning. The nurse said, "Your body really doesn't like to do what it is supposed to, does it?" I chucked and said, "No, no it does NOT!". She said that the doctors had decided that I should start using ovulation prediction sticks to determine if I had ovulated or not. If I did, they would start the Estrogen Priming Cycle. If I did not get a "smile" on the ovulation stick by Monday, December 28th I would have to start Provera to force a period. I HATE Provera!!! Hate it!! It was not nice to my body last time I had to take it. So, I worried!!! I also worried because the nurse told me that if they could not force a period and get an Estrogen Priming Cycle started by Jan. 15th we woud have to cancel this IVF cycle and try again in the spring. Panic set in!! How did I go from possibly waiting a month to possibly waiting a WHOLE CYCLE?!???!? Luckily, I got my "smile" on Sunday and was able to call Monday morning to report it!!! Phew!! I am sure you can imagine what a nervous wreck I was each morning that there was no smile though... ugh!!!
That whole time period between the 13th and the 27th was very stressful. It is hard to describe the emotions now because I did get the "smile", but it was definitely a nervous time. I repeatedly prayed that God would grant me peace over whatever happened and that I would be able to accept His timing. I nearly cried on that Sunday when I saw the smile!!!
Monday morning I talked to the nurse a couple times. The first call was to report the "smile" and set up my Estrogen Priming Cycle. We worked through the calendar together and mapped out my medications. At one point I asked for clarification about a date that I was given. I had a different date as my medication start date than she did. It turned out that I was correct. I am not saying this to boast. I am saying this to remind people that we have to be our own advocates!!!! Mistakes happen. We are all human. Don't stay quiet when you feel that something is wrong. Minutes matter when dealing with infertility. A day off could mean a cancelled cycle!!! Always go with your gut and trust your instincts!!!
At the end of the first conversation the nurse told me that we will have to go in for an internal ultrasound the day that I start my next period. That caused a bit of panic because of work, but I felt a little better when I found out that we can go to Davenport for it instead of going all the way to Iowa City. The call ended with me being excited and nervous for a new adventure. We have never tried an Estrogen Priming Cycle before... maybe this is just what we need!!!!
Then the phone rang again about 1 minute later. It was the nurse. She said, "I was just thinking... I don't know how you would feel about this (CUE MY NERVES EXPLODING!!!) but if you have your ultrasound in Davenport and everything looks good to proceed you will have to make a trip to Iowa City to get your meds. She said that it might be best if I went ahead and picked up the IVF meds when I picked up the estrogen priming meds. She said that she had to warn me that cancellation was still possible and that the decision was mine. I decided that I needed to put faith in this cycle and I told her to go ahead an prep the meds for both the estrogen priming and the IVF cycles! I picked them up on Wednesday in Iowa City and it was such a surreal feeling!!! Here we go again!!!! I have meds in my crisper drawer, meds in my dining room, meds in my bedroom, and meds in my kitchen!! We also have Sharps containers all over!!!
Tomorrow morning I will begin the cycle by taking estrogen in the morning and evening. I will continue that until January 17th. I will do Antagon injections on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Then we will wait for my period!!! I asked the nurse what to expect and she said that she does not have any idea how my body will respond. She also pointed out that my cycle is a little different because of my reaction to estrogen patches. I have to take estrogen pills, which is not their normal protocol. So, we will just have to wait and see!! At least I am consistant in the fact that I am extremely unique in my treatments!! ;)
In other news, I gave up on the doctor's diet a LONG time ago. I had lost 6 pounds between Sept. 13th and my initial visit. While on the 1200 calorie diet I lost a couple pounds right away and then started GAINING weight!!! YEP!! I was furious!! At one point I even went to Walgreens and bought diet pills!!! I went out to my car with them and sat down. Beat myself up for a few minutes and then walked right back in and returned them! Everything said that they could cause liver damage... why would I do that to my body?!?!?! So, I talked to several people including a different doctor and they said that my body was storing all of the food I was taking in. So, I gave up on the diet and just quit stressing about it. Just going off of the evil birth control seemed to be helping, so I decided to just make sure I was not eating out of boredom and I started eating breakfast every day. Since September 13th I have lost 21 pounds and I am doing it without starving or taking those stupid diet pills!!! My body really did not like being on the pill and I think it is celebrating the fact that I will not take it again!!!! :) Hopefully I continue to see results, but with meds starting tomorrow I am not going to be too hard on myself!
The doctor has never reweighed me anyway, so I only have myself to impress!!!
Thank you for continuing to follow our journey. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we enter into the unknown! I know that there are still risks of cancellation, but I am thrilled that we are attempting something new instead of doing more of the same!!!
Have a wonderful night!! :)
